Thinking About Fencing (or, "Go Hard or Go Home")

I promised myself I'd get back into fencing this year. After struggling with turning up for the first half of last year, I decided to just give it a rest for six months and try again in 2018.

Well, it's three months into 2018, and so far I haven't quite managed to get myself to the PCYC on a Friday night. Part of the problem is that by the time Friday comes around, I'm just pooped and all I want to do is sit around not exercising. We don't have Tuesday night sessions any more, and I do wonder if I'd do a better job of getting there earlier in the week, or if the fact that I have band on a Monday means I'm less likely to do something on Tuesdays.

Would I be more inclined to get my act together if I front-loaded my week? Did two extracurricular activities in a row and then crashed for the rest of the week? Or would I be more inclined to go to one or the other, but not both?

Part of the reason I stopped going last year was the attitude of a certain young man.

You see, I'm not very good at fencing. I know that, and I've come to be okay with it. I have the unfortunate affliction of getting actively worse when I try to get better. It's peculiar, but the more I focus on trying to do what my coach tells me to do, the more likely it is that I'll just completely and utterly suck. When I just fence like a "natural idiot" (i.e., someone who doesn't know what they're doing), I have a bit of the idiot's luck and can usually get in a few good hits. When I work on improving, I get steadily worse.

It's a strange and disheartening thing, to genuinely try your hardest only to get worse and worse results. For a few years I thought I'd build my athletic base and work on core skills: "Yes! I'm going to put the effort in, and get better, and become genuinely competitive!"  But not only did I lose everything all the time, I became so noticeably worse at what I was doing that my coach kept trying to tell me to put some work into it.

I wanted to stab him in the eye with my sword at times. For years, he was trying to teach me the same basic skills and we weren't moving on to anything else because I wasn't getting any better at the basics. I wanted to say: "Let's just assume I'm not going to be 'satisfactory' at anything, and rather than wait for me to be better at this, we'll move on so I can be terrible at other things."

So, this was my pattern for a while: Try harder, get worse and have people tell me I need to try harder, then stop trying and improve slightly and start to feel good about myself, only for people to tell me my technique sucked and I needed to work on it.

But I do love the sport. I didn't want to go home feeling depressed and deflated from something I wanted to love, just because I'm clearly incompetent.

I eventually gave myself a break and decided to be okay with being terrible, and stop trying to improve the way everyone (including me) seemed to expect me to improve. In a way, I was hoping to just keep playing until my "idiot's luck" moved into "natural progression".

But there was the sabre issue.

Now, ever since I started fencing (at a club which specialises in epee, and has a sideline with foil), I've looked at sabre and said "I want to play with those." I didn't understand how sabre actually worked, but I still wanted to give it a try.

However, sabreurs have been few and far between at my club, and they seem to be universally people who Aren't Mucking Around. They don't have time to put up with someone who wants to dabble until they can get their head around it. I suppose, given that sabre is more or less"who dares wins", you can't really expect sabreurs to have patience.

Eventually there was one guy who had competed in a few bouts down south and knew enough about the sport to give some basic coaching if anyone was interested.

I was interested, but not serious enough for this guy. He was only going to bother me coaching sabre if I turned up ready with all of my equipment every week and had told him in advance that "a sabre lesson next week would be nice, thank you."

Me? I was exceptionally busy at work and had a number of things happening in my life; quite frankly I thought I was doing pretty well if I managed to come two weeks in a row. And all I wanted in these early stages of sabring was some basic coaching and footwork that didn't really need anything other than normal epee gear and a sabre, so I didn't see why he thought it needed such high levels of dedication and commitment.

Now, he's a young man who has a bright future ahead of him in the sport and often feels frustrated at the restraints involved with fencing with a bunch of no-hope amateurs. I get that, but he made it clear to me over and over again that I should "go hard or go home."

On balance, I decided it was better to go home.

I don't know if it was his intention to make me feel like I was better off not coming to fencing at all, but that's where I ended up.

A fine line between sport and punching people in the head

I saw a T-shirt on a website that grouped fencing together with wrestling and boxing.

I'm not 100% sure about the wrestling (which surely belongs with judo, jujitsu and rugby - you know, sports that involve throwing people onto the ground and sitting on them), but I can see the boxing thing.

I watched a bit of the feather-weight boxing during the Commonwealth Games, while I was waiting for something else, and they almost managed to convince me it was a sport.  It actually looked kind of like what we do with fencing, although with more of an emphasis on punching people in the head.

I've always had a bit of trouble accepting boxing as a legitimate sport, because the entire goal of a bout is to try to punch someone in the head until they lose consciousness.  People have tried to tell me that the "sport" side of things comes from the fact that each boxer is trying to use all of his/her skill to avoid being hit.

Be that as it may, the ultimate goal is to punch someone in the head.  You can't deny that.

But, to be fair, people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones (or walk around naked).

I've made the comment in the past that fencing is kind of like a cross between boxing and tennis.  On the one hand, you have people wearing poncy white clothes, fussing over hand-held doodads and being oh-so traditional as they salute and shake hands and stuff.  On the other hand, you have people trying to do each other harm in the name of sport.

Let's face it, fencing is all about trying to poke someone with a stick.  Or, in the case of sabre, trying to beat them with a stick.  You don't even try to do it lightly - if there are bruises, then there are bruises (and, believe me, there are bruises).

And, yes, there is an element where it's a good thing to aim straight for someone's head (unless you're a foilist, in which case the head is off limits, so aim for the groin instead).  I've had my share of mask-rattling head hits, and I've dealt out a few on occasion as well.

So, there's an extent to which fencing isn't that removed from boxing.

I have to admit, since taking up fencing I've toyed with the idea to trying boxing as well...

And then I remember that the entire goal is to punch someone in the head.

At least with fencing you are also aiming for other parts of the body.  If you're any good, you can win your bouts by constantly tapping your opponents on the wrist - no head shots necessary.  I somehow doubt you can win a boxing match by completely avoiding any attempt to hit your opponent's head.

If it were possible to win a boxing match without aiming for the head, I'd be interested to know about that.

Bring back the buckler

Negrini's Buckler

I started this year with great plans to get more involved in fencing.  I was going to make a more concerted effort to get there every week - and even try to go twice a week as often as I could.

Then gall bladder decided it wanted my full attention.  When I was told I'd have to have surgery to remove it, one of my first questions was "what about fencing?"  To which I was told that it would be at least six weeks.

It has been four, now, but I'm not 100% sure I'll be ready to go back before the end of the month - and largely because I'm right handed.

You see, I have a strange desire to avoid being poked with a sword in any of the places where I have a healing/recently healed wound from the operation.  I have four of them.  And they're all on my right side.  And they are all in locations where my chest-protector won't cover them.

Thing about fencing is that, if you are right handed, you lead with the right side of your body.  Basically, your entire torso on the right side of your body is a target area, and kind of close to the other guy with his pointy thing.

And you really only have your sword to protect yourself.  Women are also expected to have a chest protector, but that really only protects one's boobies.  If you are a good fencer, then your sword should be enough to protect your torso from being poked with a large metal stick.

I am not a good fencer.

I was thinking about this today when I suddenly wished I could fence with a buckler.  Partly, this was just because a buckler would add one extra layer of protection, and also allow me to lead with my left side while still fencing with the sword in my right hand.

And then, because this is the way my brain works, I started wondering how one would fence with a buckler.

I know the HEMA folk do it all the time, but that's a different kettle of fish to sport fencing on a piste.

I think, sticking otherwise with standard fencing gear that is already on the market, the addition of a buckler could make a new "weapon" (or discipline) that could be quite interesting.

Okay, stay with me on this one:

Take a normal sabre (because a cutting weapon is most appropriate), a sabre mask and a foil lame.  Then stick a buckler in the other hand (you can buy them from Negrini, but I'm not sure about the other manufacturers).  Combatants must get past the buckler to score a hit on the head or torso.

Because it will be hard enough with the buckler anyway, it shouldn't need to be a right-of-way thing.  As long as they can hit the target with a sword, they get a point.

Apart from that, all standard fencing rules apply.

You'd need to think careful thoughts about your plastron, but some companies already make plastrons that cover both sides.

This could be done, and it could be done quite simply.

It probably won't, though.

Human Powered Pentathlon...

I'm of two minds about the Modern Pentathlon.

On the one hand, it is surely one of the coolest sports on the planet.

I mean, cross-country running, swimming, fencing, horse-riding and pistol shooting?  What's not to love?

On the other hand:  Horse-riding and pistol shooting?  What is this, the Roaring Twenties?  Who can afford that kind of crap in this day and age?

And do you have any idea how difficult it is to take up gun-sports in Australia?  We aren't America, you know.  After our last major mass shooting incident we put in laws restricting gun ownership and use.

I caught some of the Youth Olympics this year and noticed they use laser guns instead of actual pistols for some of the Modern Pentathlon events.  That is somehow both very cool and slightly disappointing.  I mean, what's the point of a target sport that doesn't leave a mark on the target?

What I want to know is why there isn't a completely human powered alternative.

I know the idea of the Modern Pentathlon was to create a sport that encapsulated the skills necessary for a soldier at the turn of the 20th century, but can't we play with the format a little?

I'm not saying we should get rid of, alter or replace the MP, just that we should create a new variation to cater for those of us who aren't quite so Light Horse Brigade.  There can be the Modern Penthathlon and there can be the Human Powered Penthathlon.

The Human Powered Penthathlon could keep the cross-country running, swimming and fencing, but replace the pistol shooting with archery and the horse riding with cyclo-cross.  So, basically a really muddy triathlon with archery and fencing added for good measure.

If we move the swimming event into a "lake", we can do the whole thing in one open-air location.

Okay, technically cyclo-cross is a winter game and the rest of the MP belongs in the summer roster, but I think that a) it can cope with the move, and b) it's not like cyclo-cross is currently in the Winter Olympic Games or anything anyway.

It should be though.

Pyeongchang, are you listening to me?  Stick cyclo-cross in the roster for the Winter Olympic Games.

Do it.

Free-style Sabre -- Or... Rapier?

If I were the boss of fencing (which, alas, I am not), one of things I would do is bring in a new discipline to join the ranks of epee, foil and sabre.

Every time I interact with sabre, I'm left feeling:  "This is so very nearly wonderful, but unfortunately it's really just such a pain in the gluteus maximus".

(Not literally, of course.  You very rarely get any serious butt pain as a result of sabre.  Arm pain, yes.  It's almost exactly like someone whips you across the arm with a thin metal rod.  Possibly because someone whips you across the arm with a thin metal rod...)

But it's just so hard wrapping my head around the idea that the first clear hit is not necessarily the winning hit.  I don't frelling care what my opponent is doing with his/her gorram feet.  I don't even care what I'm doing with my feet.  I also don't care if s/he moved his/her arm first.  We have swords!  Swords, I tell you!

If I hit that person with my sword before that person hit me, I should get the point.  When dealing with swords, the only thing that should trump "first cut" should be "most lethal cut".  If I tap them on the elbow and they stab me in the neck, that's different.

If sabre is, as I have read, as silly and convoluted as it is because of the problem with simultaneous hits, then we should just invent a free-style version of sabre in which simultaneous hits don't count, and we ditch the whole right-of-way thing in favour of first-in-best-dressed.

But, then...

I read recently that epee basically evolved out of people finding the foil of the day too restrictive.  I can see that - epee is kind of like foil, only with more freedom of movement and simpler rules of engagement.

You see, what I really want is for there to be a discipline of fencing like epee but with the cutting edge of the blade brought back into play.

So maybe the better option is to bring another sword into the fold and make another discipline entirely - one that can be to sabre what epee is to foil?

The rapier hasn't been doing much lately, and it has two edges!  What would fencing look like if we brought in a double sided sword?

And maybe it wouldn't be impossible to wire up a sword to register a hit on anything except another sword or the piste?  That would enable the entire body to become a target without the use of a full-body lame...

It could be a brilliant addition to the sport.  And all we need to do is convince enough people to agree to make it a thing, and it will be a thing.

If only I were the boss of fencing...

Baby Bear Steps

Regular readers of this blog may recall that I came back from a trip to Brisbane late last year having made the (admittedly, rather obvious) observation that fencing – while one of the most inherently awesome sports on the planet – is the least useful martial art in the history of martial arts.

It is so useless as a martial art that I think we can safely say it isn’t a martial art at all – even if books about fencing are filed in the same place as books about karate and tae-kwan-do in most public libraries.

It is so useless that I actually think the cross-country running component of a pentathlon offers a better set of skills for surviving dangerous situations.

It is so useless, in terms of fostering real combative skills, that in a truly combative, life-or-death situation, I would not put money on a fencer to win a sword fight.

If you were actually faced with another human being wielding a sword and intending to do you harm, almost everything you learn in fencing would get you killed within seconds.

I was standing in a poorly lit, sparsely populate train-station car park one night, waiting for a lift, when this observation occurred to me.  I was not, thankfully, attacked – but if someone had tried to attack me I would've been, well, attacked.  All I have is the ability to run away – which is a good ability to have.  I’m now at the stage where I could run flat-chat for 30 seconds and then keep up a steady (if slower) pace for 10 minutes.  If they wanted an easy target, that would hopefully give me an advantage.

However, I realised my ability to survive long enough to run away would be greatly increased if I had the ability to incapacitate any attacker first – and this is not part of my current skill set.

I decided that I needed to pick up a proper martial art – one that would enable me to be the most dangerous person in any given car park.  As I said back in October, the best way to protect yourself against bears is to be scarier than the bear.

I started trying out a few things.  I went along to a karate class, a kung fu class, a goshin-something-or-other-actually-I-don’-t-even-know-what-that-was class…  One thing led to another and I joined a softball team.

That doesn’t make any sense to me, either.

Anyway, my studies kicked up a few notches and I had to stop playing softball.  Quite frankly I don’t have time to fit in more than one sport.

Which is why I’m still not sure how, this week, I managed to start two new sports. 

I’ve taken up Tai Chi.  This was actually so I could convince my mother to take up Tai Chi.  I’ve been trying to convince her that some sort of exercise would be good for her arthritis.  It’s been an uphill battle, but I managed to talk her into coming along to a slow, gentle movement based activity with me.  At our first session, last week, the instructor pointed out that Tai Chi was a martial art. 

I had to keep a straight face while trying to envision the circumstances under which Tai Chi would be your best form of self-defence.  Perhaps if you were attacked by a low-flying tortoise.  Or an 80-year-old with poor health.

I think it was some sort of subconscious psychological response that drove me to go back to trawling the internet for real martial arts classes the next day – and I discovered something that I hadn’t noticed last time.  The PCYC I never remember exists (we have three PCYCs in town, one of which I attend regularly, one of which I used to attend as a child, and one which I’ve driven past once and never remember) has Japanese ju jitsu classes on Wednesday and Friday nights.

I blew off fencing that night and drove over to check it out.

There were various reasons why I didn’t take up any of the other classes.  Some were too awkward to attend regularly.  Some were too expensive.  Some were taught by wankers.  This one doesn’t seem too wankery and, if I alternate between fencing and ju jitsu, I can still make sure Friday is my only night for sporting things.  Most importantly, classes are $4 a pop.  That is unspeakably cheap.

So, (in addition to doing Tai Chi until my mother is ready to fly solo) I’m going to trial doing that for a while:  alternating between fencing and ju jitsu on Friday nights, and possibly (if study time permits) throwing in an extra Tuesday night session for fencing or Wednesday night session for ju jitsu once a month.

Baby steps, but I might end up being scarier than the bear after all.

And, unless I’m very much mistaken, I think my Friday nights just went up a level of awesome.

Jacket blues

My new blue fencing jacket didn't survive its first bout.

My opponent hit me on the sword arm, and the seam came apart - rendering it not only "very disappointing" but also "not safe to fence".

I had to go find a club jacket to fence in for the rest of the night.  I went from having a padded, double layer jacket designed to reduce bruises to something that was quite thin and lightweight (and I didn't even have a plastron) which offered little protection from bruising at all (but at least wouldn't snag a sword).

And it (the club's jacket) smelled.

Bummer.

My new blue jacket went from being something a little disappointing that I could adjust and live with, to something I'm totally sending back for a refund.

I don't ask much from my fencing gear, but I want it to be suitable for fencing.

A little less white - first impressions

So, I bit the bullet and bought that slightly more colourful fencing gear I mentioned in a previous post.

I have not, unfortunately, had the opportunity to take it fencing since it arrived.  Dang assignments and exams.  They're so needy, time-wise.

Anyway, here are my first impressions on taking the stuff out of the box, trying it on and running around the house like some deranged weirdo, lunging at random points in the hallway:

The pants are awesome.  I'm completely stoked by the Leon Paul 350N tracky-dacks.  The tags say they are part of the "Phoenix" range (that's their more expensive 350N line), and I believe it.  They are just really well turned out.  I think they're actually better quality than my 800N "Team" range breeches.

Around the waist they have that weird grippy stuff that good-quality cycling nicks have around the leg grippers, which keeps them from slipping down, and you can unzip the legs to help with getting them on and off (over shoes, if you're that way inclined).  Plus, it has a pocket.  Not just a pocket in the back to put the hitmate, but an actual pocket in the side (left side, making it a bet less useful for lefties) for keys and wallets and stuff.

Of course, I have yet to play with them properly "in combat", but so far, so awesome.

Plus, they're perfectly suitable gym wear.  I can now go through any gym I feel like wearing sword-proof pants.  This is bound to be an advantage at some point.

The jacket, on the other hand, is a bit of a disappointment.  Yes, it is a pretty shade of blue, and yes it does, in theory, replace three other items of clothing.  But...

Considering the fact that it costs significantly more than the "Pheonix" range jacket, it's just not quite as good.  It seems cheaper in design and construction.

The back of the jacket has two straps for tweaking the size, but it's a double-ring fastening system, and the size of the rings is a fraction to small for the thickness of the straps.  It's not impossible to do up, but damned difficult.

I had trouble doing up the straps with the jacket in front of me, let alone trying to do it behind my back.  It just wouldn't happen.  I could, after much struggle, get the bottom strap through the rings, but the top-strap was at too awkward an angle.  Fortunately the jacket fits well enough without the straps being done up, but then they're flapping around in the breeze.  I'd either have to remove them or get someone to help me dress (hardly the bold strike for convenience I'd been hoping for).

If the rings were just a fraction larger, this wouldn't be a problem.  But the straps aren't my greatest concern.

A greater concern is the chest protector situation.  The jacket has pockets on the inside to slip in those little round cup guards (which I also bought).  But the pockets are so big and loose (no doubt to try to allow a wide range of boobages) that they don't hold the cup guards still.

The leeway for movement is so great that a sword hitting it at the right angle would push the guard out of the way, and the blow would land full-force on an unprotected boob.  This does not strike me as being a good thing.

I suspect I'll be able to stitch up the pockets a bit to try to control the movement, but that seems like hard work, given I already own a chest-protector that covers the whole chest and stays put.  I was just looking forward to getting rid of it, because it's not the most comfortable thing to wear.

But that isn't my greatest concern, either.

My greatest concern is the throat.  This is the first fencing jacket I've ever come across that has only one layer of material over the throat.  All of the others have two layers, and while the extra thick material around the throat is a bit uncomfortable, it's also rather reassuring.  Especially given the fact that one of the girls I fence with has a habit of lunging straight at the throat.  She says she doesn't do it on purpose.  I think she has issues.

This is the one thing I can't generate a workaround for, and it seems strange to have a jacket that's über padded in most other places have less padding over your windpipe than other 350N jackets.

Fortunately my mask is 1600N, and has a bib that covers the throat.  But, still...

Oh, white can be beautiful, but mostly it's not...

I love fencing.  I really do.  It's the most awesome sport in the world and I'm so happy I get the chance to do it.  Sure, I'll probably be crap at it for the rest of my life, and then at some point my knees will give way or I'll move somewhere without a fencing club and spend the rest of my life playing lawn bowls as my sport thingy...

But right now I fence, and fencing is awesome.

Every now and then I look at my mask lying around in the spare room and think:  "hell, yeah, baby!  I totally fence!"  But that could just be because I'm a dork.  And fencing is awesome.

However, as much as I love the sport, ever since I took it up there have been a number of things I'd love to change about it.  I'm not the boss of fencing, I'm just a lowly nobody who's never even won a medal at a competition.  But if I had a bit of money and could afford to use it to try to push my own agenda, there are somethings I'd like to try.

One of them is the colour of fencing clothes.  Or, rather, the lack of it.

As per tradition, fencing uniforms are white (like cricket, tennis, and any other sport that was the domain of rich men with servants to do the laundry).  Okay, fine, that does look a bit cool.  I'm perfectly okay with there being a thing that says you should compete in the traditional white kit.

However, there happens to be two levels of fencing clothes.  The 350N level is good enough to stop you from dying and it's fairly common in normal week-by-week club fencing.  The 800N level is more swordproof and is the required level for any official competitions.

So, yes, you have to wear white for competition.  Well, hurrah.  Since the 350N clothes can’t be worn for competitions anyway, why do they have to be locked into the traditional colour scheme?

Or, for that matter, style?  Why can’t we shake things up at the training level and have – oh, I don’t know – pants?

There are a lot of clothes involved in the traditional fencing attire, and I’m not convinced we need all of them.  A better design would cut down on a lot of the guff.

In addition to the mask and shoes (which are non-negotiable givens) my usual outfit for a weekly training night consists of everything I would wear at a competition:

• A pair of knee-length socks (which are always awkward to get on and off, and can’t possibly project my shins against sword wounds)
• A pair of breeches
• A pair of exercise shorts under the breeches (because the breeches on their own just feel weird, and because I change between breeches and real pants for activities before and after fencing and can’t be bothered finding a changing room)
• A T-shirt
• A plastron (a half-shirt of thick material worn under the jacket to provide extra protection under your sword arm)
• A chest protector
• A jacket

Now, Leon Paul sells 350N track pants (black) which could theoretically replace the socks and breeches and eliminate the need for the shorts.  They also sell “club jackets” – which combine the jacket and the plastron into one garment, which is padded to reduce bruising and ROYAL BLUE!

Their website indicates the blue colour will deter theft and encourage people to buy their own kit.

Meanwhile, I’m thinking:  “Wait, there’s something that cuts down on the amount of clothes I have to wear/wash, gives more protection against bruises and is a pretty colour – and I’m *not* supposed to want it?”

I could reduce the amount of clothes I have to deal with *and* have an outfit that came in colour…  This sounds like a good thing to me.

I could go from everything listed above to the following list without endangering myself at all (and possibly providing even better protection):

• Pants
• T-Shirt
• Chest protector
• Jacket.

Clearly, they are actually capable of making 350N clothes in colours other than white and in styles other than the bib-and-breeches combo.  So why don’t they?

I can’t believe no one has found a market for this yet.  If you could buy jackets in a variety of colours and styles for normal club fencing days, why wouldn’t you get more than one?  Imagine what would happen if you came up with a way to print designs on the fabric…

I know a bunch of people who never bothered buying a 350N outfit because they may as well just have an 800N suite to cover everything (I bought the cheaper stuff while I was waiting to see if I'd stick it through).  I think there are probably a lot of people who would probably buy a second jacket if that jacket looked cool.

Imagine a fencing kit that looked like Captain America's uniform, or something...

Sabre, pt 2: Right of way sucks

So, following on from my last post about sabre, I can assure my readers that turning up did not, in fact, guarantee me a medal.

Largely because four other people also turned up, and I managed to be worse than all of them.

Or, did I?

Out of the five of us, there was actually only one other competitor that had more experience with sabre than I did.  I had a better idea of the moves and the rules.  And I got most of the hits in most of my bouts.

The problem was that stupid right-of-way rule.

The right-of-way rule is a bit like the fencing equivalent of table tennis's rule against hitting a ball "on the full".  With table tennis, you have to let the ball bounce on your side of the table before you can hit it back.  Simple, straight forward, easy.

With fencing (in foil and sabre), you have to let the person who started the attack complete the move.  Either their lead foot has to touch the floor, or their sword has to make contact with something.  By parrying the attack, you make their sword touch your sword, so their move is over and it's your turn.  Should be simple, but it's not.

It's really clear in table tennis when a ball is passing over the net, and once it makes contact with the table, you're sweet.  But in fencing it all comes down to who's foot moved first, whether or not they put it down before their sword made contact (and if the other person manage to move their foot before or after they put their foot down), whether or not the sword still managed to touch the other person even if they parried, whether or not the judge thought you moved your hand the wrong way and cancelled your own attack...  the list of considerations seems endless.

Time after time I was told my hits didn't count because the other person moved their foot a fraction before I moved mine, or my reposts were just a fraction out of time.  So time and time again, I would hit them and get nothing, or they would hit me *after* I hit them, and they still got the point.

I tell you, if I had been fencing epee the way I'd been fencing sabre, I would be feeling pretty good about myself right now.  Unfortunately I actually fenced epee rather poorly, so I didn't get very far in that competition either.

The right-of-way thing seems ridiculously archaic to me.  It's supposed to make sure there's actually a bit of back-and-forth before someone makes a hit, and eliminate the "problem" of simultaneous hits (I had a number of those, too), but what it actually does is eliminate a lot of freedom of movement and flourish, and just encourage fencers to jump at each other in a blind panic and hope for the best.

If you don't "have the attack", you've pretty much got nothing.  You can't evade their blade - you must parry (which isn't necessarily a bad thing, unless you're an epeeist by training and your first instinct is to stand your ground and counter-attack).  And whether you've successfully reposted, reprised or remised is entirely down to whether you successfully stuck your arm or foot out far enough for the judge to notice you rather than the other person.

It all seems so much more arbitrary than it has to be.  The person who would win the fight (if this were a real duel) doesn't win the bout, just because the other fencer has showier leg movements.

I can't help but feel a better solution would be to "eliminate" the problem of double hits by taking the opposite stand to epee.  In epee, if you hit each other at the same time, you both get a point.  In sabre, you could just say that nobody gets a point in a double hit.  And if you want to improve the flow of the game, you could just include a "play-on" rule where the fencers keep at it until someone makes a clear point and the judge shouts "halt!"

And, if we really need an equivalent to the "on the full" rule, then it should only apply to jumps and lunges - and it should really be as simple as "you can't hit the attacker mid lunge or jump; they must land their foot or blade first".  That's not too complicated, and the average joe should be able to keep track of that without years of experience or training.

Beyond that, it should be "whoever hits first gets the point".

That seems fair to me.

Sabre!

So, it turns out that sabre doesn't make any sense.

I understand all of the pieces that go into a sabre bout... in theory.  But when it actually comes to a bout, it's just a bunch of people who don't know what's happening flailing about with swords and hoping for the best.

Even at the elite level the people in the bout don't know what's happening - that's why they both turn to the judge with "Howzatt!" expressions.  They know someone just won a point, and they're hoping it was them - but they don't seem to actually know.

I was watching some footage from the Olympics earlier, and even in the gold medal match the fencers were all "Yay, I got a point - oh, wait, no I didn't."

Sometimes the judge doesn't even know and just tells them to try again.

I tried a bout for the first time last week, and the girl I was playing with and I kept looking at the judge just to work out why all the lights were flashing.  Turns out I was winning (yay me!), but don't ask me what I was doing.

I had a vague plan (involving a feint-parry-reposte thing) that I sometimes managed to pull off, but most of the time it was just a confused blur of swords and a lot of random flashy lights.

I'm going in a competition Sunday week.

Depending on how many women have applied to be in the sabre comp, I may just end up winning something - which would be the funniest thing ever.

Never underestimate the value of turning up.

Scarier than the bear

I've read in a few places that an "appropriate" method to fend off bear attacks is to run at the bear.

Apparently, generally speaking, bears do not regard humans as proper food and will avoid them if they make enough noise ("Hey, Bear!"), but sometimes they are particularly hungry and will actually run towards the noisy humans for the express purpose of eating them.

Climbing a tree really only works if the bear in question is not a tree climber itself, and running away is really only a good option if you happen to be travelling with someone who is a slower runner than you are.

Running *at* the bear is, supposedly, more effective than running *away* from the bear.

I think this works on the principle of appearing to be scarier than the bear.

Surely, anyone running towards the bear must be dangerous and scary, and perhaps the bear will think "Oh, dear, I am frightened by this attacker!" and run away from you.

Of course, the best way to appear to be scarier than the bear is actually *be* scarier than the bear.  Wielding a bat'leth, or something, might help with that (especially if you could actually use a bat'leth).

I've been thinking a bit about being scarier than the bear, lately.  Not in the woods, though - in the car parks.  And not actual bears; I'm being metaphorical here.

I don't know why I've been thinking about this lately.  I've always blithely walked through situations girls aren't supposed to blithely walk through without really giving a thought to what danger I might be in.

I've never felt threatened - and, I guess, part of me has always assumed this is because I don't look much like a girl.  I have previously commented about how useful a bit of androgyny can be when it comes to travelling the world alone.  The fact that I still get mistaken for a man (depending on what I'm wearing and how short my hair is) has lead me to be a bit careless about things like this.  I instinctively assume people look at me and think "some random guy", which renders me invisible and unlikely to be a target.

But at some point this year, while walking through a car park late at night, the thought occurred to me that being ugly is not a suitable defense.  Should someone with a mind to attack solitary women actually register "hey, it's a girl!" rather than glance over "some random guy", what could I do about it?

Sure, I can project an image of being scarier than the bear, but unless I can back that up, what happens if someone calls me out on it?

A recent trip to Brisbane involved more hanging around train stations after dark than is normally part of my week and, even though I was never threatened, I still felt as though it was a slightly dangerous place to be.

I've come to the conclusion that I need to make an effort to actually *be* scarier than the bear.

I've been fencing for the better part of two years, but really - what good is that in a dark alley?  Especially since I don't walk around armed with a sword?  I did a bit of judo when I was a kid, but I don't particularly want to go back to that well.  It's too gentle.  I don't want to taunt an attacker by continually throwing him using his own momentum.  I want to incapacitate him and run away very fast.

So I've decided to take up something more violent.  I'm trying out kung fu and ju jitsu this week.  Later, I might give krav maga and karate a go.  I suspect there will be bruises involved but, heck, I've spent the last couple of years coming to work with bruises down my side from being attacked with a sword - so, nothing new there.

Hopefully I'll be able to find something that's both a fun sport to play and also equips me to be the scariest person in the car park.

Rahr.

Negrini 350 fencing uniform review

Well, I thought I was being clever by looking outside the box.  Everyone in my club was wearing either Leon Paul or Uhlmann (or Absolute, but they were all in agreement that Absolute was fairly crappy), but I thought there must be other options.

Surely there were more "good" brands of fencing gear out there?  The market can't be totally dominated by two manufacturers?

Let's be honest, though, I just like making things more challenging.  Sure, I could follow the advice of other people who have been in the game for years and know what they're talking about, but why do what everyone else knows will work when you might be able to find something new that's just as good?

So I found an Italian brand - Negrini.  Their website was pretty average, but they had some good reviews (no bad ones) on fencing.net and were priced between Uhlmann and Leon Paul, so they had to be in the same league.  They also supplied the uniforms for the Italian national team, so either they were half decent or the Italians were just keeping their money in their own country.  Plus, I liked the look of their cut - particularly the mask, which pleased me more than the design of Uhlmann's or Leon Paul's.

So, I ordered a 1600N mask and and 800N plastron and a 350N uniform.

The German in the club thought I was nuts - she suspected the Italians wouldn't have the same eye for quality and detail as the Germans*.  I thought I'd be pretty safe, though, as I read a lot of bicycle magazines and I know the Italians have a good reputation for their high-end products...

And therein lies the problem:  "high end."

I have no problems with the mask and plastron - both of which are well made and very comfortable. I think the mask is much more comfortable than the Uhlmann one I had been borrowing.  The 350 uniform, on the other hand...

It's too thin.  I know one of the reasons I went with Negrini was because other reviews said the clothing was light, but this is a bit too light.  I'm sure it's suitably resistant to piercings, but it gives little buffer to protect against bruising.  Even the Absolute jackets had heavier material.  Additionally, the finishing leaves a bit to be desired.  They didn't bother tidying up all the loose edges or cleaning up the pencil marks - as though they figured anything on the inside didn't really matter.  Things just seem... cheaper than I'd hoped.  The Uhlmann 350N uniforms seem better made with more attention to detail - and they don't cost as much.

I expect their 800N uniforms are perfectly nice, but if they aren't going to put the effort into their lower-end products, I'm not going to take a chance on their high-end gear.  I don't think enough companies realise that their "entry level" products are their first and best advertisements.  After wearing the Negrini 350N uniforms for a few months, I can't say I'm going to stick with them for my next purchases.


*Having recently been to both Germany and Italy, I can completely understand why she would think that.


UPDATE:  2015

Having said that, my club has since started buying really cheap fencing gear from a company in China (Wuxi), which is producing 800N uniforms that are thinner than my Negrini 350 uniform.  Alarmingly so.  As in "I can see your underwear" kind of thin.  My Negrini clothes may have been thinner and less well finished than Uhlmann and Leon Paul, but they beat the pants off the Chinese stuff.

And they hold up really well.  I've never had any trouble with them from a durability perspective. I have to admit that I've been rethinking revisiting Negrini.  Whether I do or not remains to be seen.

Vehklemine 3

Correction!

I previously said the target area for Foil is the head and torso, but I was wrong.  It's the the body (minus limbs and head) from the neck down.

I do believe this makes Foil on of the only combative sports where the head is out of limits, but the groin is perfectly legit.

Novosjolov vs Pizzo

Well! There are times, I will admit, when watching fencing is a bit like watching two people wave sticks at each other for no apparent reason while running back and forth in a straight line.

Like football (the real football - the one where they can only use their feet), it does seem like not much is happening - although, unlike football, the score line actually changes and it doesn't drag on for over an hour.

Then you see a bout like this:




Now, just a heads-up, the first person to 15 wins. You'll probably miss it because the tape cuts straight after Pizzo hits.  I'm probably not giving anything away by telling you the Italian wins - the score is in the description of the clip.

Did I use the word "tape" while talking about a YouTube clip?  It must be because I never quite reconciled myself to the end of the 80s.

Anyway, there are more interesting bouts out there, this is just one I saw recently.  One in which "my" fencer loses, but Pizzo puts in quite the flying performance.  Heck, he even falls over at one point (and keep an eye out for a flying sword to the head at about the 5 minute mark).

Mask

What I like about my workplace is the fact that it's always entirely possible that one day you will walk through to door to find someone dressed in full fencing gear while someone else is throwing plastic cutlery at them.

My garb came in the mail today and, despite being told that they could not deliver to a post office box, it was delivered to my post office box.  I did promise people I would show them what it looked like if it turned up at work...

Well, not quite "full" - my socks are coming in a different package, and I don't own "proper" fencing shoes yet.  Eagle-eyed viewers might notice I'm only wearing the mask in this photo.  I actually do have the plastron, glove, pants and jacket, too, but they were back in the box by the time I thought to take a photo.

First impressions:  the proper 1600N Negrini mask is much more comfortable than the cheap Uhlmann one I've been wearing at the club, and I'm quite impressed with the fact that everything actually fits, considering I bought it "off the rack" and "on speck", based solely on a handful of measurements.  And, it is quite light compared to the club gear I've been using.  We'll see how it feels when someone is trying to poke me with a sword...

Vehklemine 2

Okay, as in most things, a little bit of patience can change your mind.  My first impressions of fencing included the following:

• Epee - kind of like a cross between tennis and boxing.  Very vibrant and interesting to watch, even if the linear playing space takes a while to get used to.
• Sabre - more like a cross between cricket and boxing.  People appear to just be whacking stuff with a stick and shouting "Howzat!" at the umpire.
• Foil - I have no idea what that's about. It's like epee, only somehow more vicious and more delicate at the same time (you have a flimsier sword and you have to take turns attacking, but you're only allowed to aim for the chest and head).

My opinion of sabre was pretty low because the descriptions I had read indicated that it would be a lot more interesting to watch than it actually was. Much like cricket. I can't get into cricket. It's probably very unAustralian of me to say that, but I just find it so very boring.

I thought sabre was a bit like this, too, as all of the clips I saw on YouTube seemed to lack anything remotely resembling "interesting things". However, I am now willing to concede that I just didn't give it a proper chance. I usually only watched for the first couple of minutes before crying "this is boring!" and trying to find something more amusing, like lawn bowls.

I decided I should try to watch at least one bout the whole way through, though, and discovered that it actually gets better the longer it goes on. They spend the first three minutes or so whacking each other on the head and shouting "howzat!!" at the umpire, but after that they start doing other things - things like trying to avoid being hit by the other guy. Then it picks up a bit.

After they start using defensive moves, all of the things I read about that seemed interesting started to appear. I guess they spend the first few minutes sussing each other out by all that whacking before bringing in more interesting moves. At least, the girls do. The boys seem to spend a lot longer in the whacking phase.

So, sabre isn't entirely boring. It's not as interesting as epee, but it isn't entirely boring. (I still have no idea what foil is about).

It makes me wonder if cricket might actually be interesting if I can just sit through the first three hours of whatever it is they do.

I remain doubtful.

The Pointy End...

So, I've got my first fencing bruises. I haven't actually had a fencing bout yet, but I have been practising moves against people who aren't entirely sure about where to stand while "fake" lunging.

It's kind of cool, actually. It's starting to feel like I'm involved in a real sport, rather than a series of Tai Chi-style exercises. Can't wait until I get on the wrong side of a pointy-stick for real. You're never really engaged in a physical activity until you've got the bruises to show for it.

Also, I'm getting muscles. I noticed them the other day. The kind of muscles where you move your arm and think - "wait a minute, was that some sort of definition?" I feel all athletic, or something. It's like I'm actually using my arms for a change.

Sport is cool, yeah? I like sport. I should have done sport ages ago.

I finally took the penny-farthing out for a spin the other day - not long, because it was getting dark and I don't have any lights on the bike (or brakes, but who needs 'em?). It had been so long since I've done anything with it that I thought I'd have to go back to basics and focus on getting on and off the thing without hurting myself - but it turns out it's just like riding a bike: you never really forget.

In fact, I think my balance was actually a bit better than the last time I rode it. I have no idea how that would have happened, seeing as I've given up most of the things that encourage me to balance.

By the way, this is an interesting thing with Google maps. If you go to 38 Marine Pde in Cottesloe, Perth, and drag your Streetview man to the yellow strip closest to the house... you see nothing of any interest at all.

However, if you drag your little Streetview man to the strip closest to the beach and turn to face the same house, you will see a woman riding a penny-farthing and towing a stuffed penguin.

It's very strange - they seem to have taken the photos on two different days, and for some reason you land in a different photo based on what side of the street you pick.

The woman apparently tows the penguin to stabilise the bike and make sure she doesn't flip over if she has to stop suddenly. If you rode a penny-farthing, you would totally understand the logic in that.

But does it help you stink less?

Vehklemine

My coach was right: sabre is boring.

I thought the fact that it involved more sideways movement than foil or épée would make it a nice flourishy thing, with elaborate movements and blocks. Not so much.

I watched some clips from the world cup on YouTube the otherday, and basically the sabre stuff was just a bunch of blokes hitting each other on the head with sticks before shouting "howzaaaaat!" at the ref.

The world champion épée matches had a kind of boxing-meets-tennis grace to them, but the sabre was more an exercise in controlled collision. Boring collisions at that.

I have a fencing coach now, by the way. I may have mentioned before that I was going to try fencing this year. Last year I noticed that the local fencing club had actually brought in a recognisable starting point by way of a beginners' class, so I signed up.

I'm about four weeks into the eight week course, and I've caught the bug.

I've got fencing on the brain, these days. I'm practising my footwork and trying to build up arm strength with the help of a baseball bat (bought back when I thought I might be interested in baseball - turns out I'm more interested in not being hit by a really hard ball moving quite quickly). I'm pouring over websites, watching YouTube clips and wondering if I can squeeze in a visit to the only actual shop in Australia that sells fencing gear the next time I'm in Sydney.

All this, and I haven't even had the opportunity to "play" yet. So far I've progressed to attacking a target hung on a wall.

Still, there's an extent to which I've been vaguely interested in fencing for years.

I remember seeing the university fencing club practising way back when I was a kid. My mother had dragged me along to campus to work in the computer labs, and these people dressed in white were mucking about with swords on the lawn. I couldn't stay to watch - my mother had places to be and things to do - but in the back of my mind I've always thought "I'd like to try that".

Then, of course, the university club promptly folded and wasn't replaced. There was no fencing in town at all for a very long time. I tried going along to the local historical re-enactment club to learn the art of mucking about with swords from them, but baulked at the idea of making my own equipment. I considered taking up one of the Asian-style martial arts that involved swords, but quite frankly my levels of motivation weren't up to getting me off the couch and into a dojo.

A new fencing club started up a couple of years ago, and I finally dragged myself in to take a look. I wasn't sure, at the time, if I wanted to take up fencing or something else, and they didn't have an equipment loan scheme at the time, so I thought I'd give it a miss. Now that they actually have a beginners' course and equipment for cheap hire, investing in an eight week course seemed like a safe thing to do...

Let's just say I'm feeling inclined to keep mucking about with swords.

Besides, it seems kind of cool to be able to use the words "my fencing coach says..."