Adventures in buying new crap

So, I've been on a bit of a spending spree at present.

I do this thing where I look at things but don't buy them for quite a considerable amount of time, and then suddenly realise I've been thinking about buying something for years, and go "You know what?  Let's just have this thing".  And then it's kind of like breaking the seal, only with less drinking.

It started with a bicycle.  I stumbled across a sale and decided to go ahead and buy that Strida I've been staring at for years.  Sadly, it's a bit disappointing.  On almost every measure possible, it's not as good as the Brompton.  It doesn't fold as well as the Brompton, it doesn't handle as well as the Brompton, it's not as easy to tuck away in the corner of a room as the Brompton, it's not as easy to adjust the seat height like you can with the Brompton, it doesn't have a built-in kickstand function like the Brompton...

That's not to say it's completely sub-par.  It does do at least two things better than the Brompton:  It provides a more upright angle for riding, so it's easier on the back than the Brompton is, and it fits into a guitar stand.  The Brompton does go in the guitar stand, but it's not something I'd do again in a hurry.  No, seriously, I keep the Strida in a guitar stand.  My banjo is feeling decidedly unloved.

 

 I have to say that, if I had an ongoing back injury or complaint, I'd probably think the Strida was one of the best bikes on the planet.  Instead, what I have is a slight problem with getting the stupid magnetic clamp to work.  Either it's so strong I can't separate the wheels, or it's so week it comes apart at a moment's provocation.

Just work you stupid bicycle.  The Brompton can keep its act together.

Oh, well.  At least it's giving me the opportunity to use the Carradice seat bag I bought to go touring with the Brompton and never used.

Other recent purchases include a Buck Lancer knife, which I bought for the purpose of teaching myself to whittle.  I bought this knife because one of the whittling books I borrowed from the library had it listed as a decent whittling knife.  My research was a bit poor, though, because nothing I saw gave me a really good sense if just how small it is.  It's a tiny, slender little thing.  Folded up, it's roughly the same size as my pinky finger.

I haven't tried whittling with it yet.  Partly because that requires me to actually get my act together, and partly because I'm slightly wary of it's size, now that I've held it in my hands.  I would have preferred something a bit more substantial in the grip.

Last, but not least, my Alto/Tenor horn arrived today.  A second hand jobby that's probably twice my age, I've bought this instrument because it was cheap.  After months of wondering whether to get a French Horn, a Baritone Horn, a Euphonium or a Sousaphone, I've finally settled on an Eb horn simply because I liked the price better than everything else I was looking at.

I've had a bit of a play, and I don't mind the sound of the thing at all.  The case is a complete wreck, though.  I knew it was going to be a bit spartan, but I didn't realise it was going to be so beat up.  And it smells a bit.  I'd say the last owner was a smoker.

Smokers shouldn't play wind instruments.  If you are a smoker, and you play an instrument that produces wind in any way shape or form, you need to stop being a smoker.  It spreads your bad breath to all future owners of that instrument for generations to come.

I once had a second-hand accordion that had been owned by a smoker, and that thing just pumped the smell of stale tobacco into the air every time you used it.  Highly unpleasant.

Besides, smoking is bad for your everything.

Low Brass, and other shiny things

Following on from my last post about brass, I wanted to point out that I actually do have a euphonium hero:  this guy.

Who is he?  Well, he's just some guy, you know?

(Please excuse the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy quote, sometimes I just can't resist).

 Peter Opaskar is an arranger and a music teacher who gets around the Internet under the name Tuba Peter - and in addition to playing and teaching tubas, euphoniums and baritone horns he also arranges music specifically for low brass instruments.

Euphoniums and tubas are kind of like the double bases and cellos of the brass world.  But, while cellos frequently get to play centre stage, low brass tends to get stuck with the supporting roles.  The really interesting music is usually given to trumpets, cornets and trombones (which are actually in the same range as baritone horns and euphoniums, but for some reason get to come out and play more often).

Tuba Peter arranges music for solos, duets, trios and quartets consisting almost entirely of lower brass.  Imagine a brass quartet consisting of two tubas and two euphoniums.  If you are wondering what that sounds like, the answer is "awesome".

So, he arranges the music for low brass, and then plays all of the parts of an ensemble himself, which admittedly treads a fine line between "that takes a lot of talent" and "don't you have any friends?"

But, yeah, I like what he does and I like the fact that he does it.

Sousaphone by Tyler CC BY SA

I'm still thinking deep thoughts about euphoniums (I've been doing it for years, and will probably do it for years to come).  But I've also been thinking of late about a sousaphone.

This isn't exactly new, either.  I've often looked at sousaphones and though "man, I'd love to play with one of those..."  I just love the look of them.  They are basically tubas, though.  And oddly, I've never really been interested in a tuba.

Show me a tuba, and I'm all like "okay, so that's a tuba."  Wrap it around your body so that it's part instrument and part wearable art, and suddenly I'm all "Ooooh!  Can I have one?"

The Box

So, yesterday I fell in love with a plywood box.

You know how sometimes you walk into a shop, pick something up, and never want to put it down again?  But then you have to leave the shop eventually so you end up buying it - even if it's ridiculously overpriced?

Yeah.

I had that moment yesterday with a plywood box.

I walked into Arties Music shop to see if they had any travel ukuleles, and walked out with an overpriced wooden box.

They didn't have any travel ukes, by the way.

Not that it matters, I can't afford one after buying the box.

It is a lovely box, though.  So nice to hold.  And it's so much fun to play with.  It's a bit hard trying to explain to normal people that you're a bit tired because you were up late playing with a wooden box, but that's life.

Plastic wood and brass

This is something I think about occasionally:

I have recorders, right?  They used to be made out of wood (okay, the "good" ones still are), but now they're made out of plastic.

I also have a fife made out of plastic.  Those things used to be metal (okay, the "good" ones still are).

I've seen tin whistles made out of plastic.  Those things used to be made of tin, I think (okay, the "good" ones still are).

And I also own a number of plastic mouthpieces for sundry brass instruments.  And when I say sundry, I mean sundry - I have mouthpieces for French horns, euphoniums and mellophones - I've never played any of these instruments.  Heck, I've never even been in the same room as a mellophone.  Let's just say I'm a sucker for a sale item.

Anyway, the point is I have bits of brass instruments that are made out of plastic which were once made out of brass, or something very much like brass (okay, the "good" ones still are).  The same company that made my plastic mouthpieces are now also selling plastic clarinet barrels - once made of wood, I believe...

And I've just discovered that student level clarinets are almost entirely made out of plastic.  Except for one company which is proudly declaring they make theirs out of rubber.  Ooookay.

So, if cheap but functional wind instruments and brass bits can be made out of plastic, why aren't there more plastic "brass" and "woodwind" instruments in the world?

Well, there kind of are.  You can buy a flute made out of the same ABS plastic as the clarinets, which is cheaper than a flute made out silver-plated metal (ooh, there's an interesting concept - using plastic for a "woodwind" instrument that's normally made out of metal).  You can also get trumpets made of ABS plastic.  And someone is manufacturing plastic trombones.  They come in different colours, so you can get a flute in electric blue or a purple trumpet.  Who wouldn't want one of those?

Good luck finding them in a shop.  The student market for instruments seems to be all stitched up with cheap metal instruments that are still more expensive than the plastic stuff.  And, as someone who owns a cheap metal instrument, I really wish it was made out of plastic - I think it would be better quality.  If my pocket trumpet was made out of the same plastic as my alto recorder, it would be a much better instrument.

So why aren't these being mass-produced by dozens of Chinese companies and sold to children?

And, since we can do it with flutes, trumpets and trombones, why not produce the rest of the woodwind/brass family in moulded plastic?

If I were a parent of school children, I'd much prefer to buy them some plastic thingy to learn with until they've proven they're going to stick with it.  If my idiot kid decides s/he wants a trombone for Christmas, but I know s/he's going to keep it up for about a year and then leave the dang thing in a cupboard for the rest of his/her life, I'm totally going to buy him/her the cheapest trombone I can get.

Heck, I practically am raising one of those idiot kids:  me.  I want the toys, but I know what my attention span is like, so I want to buy myself the cheapest toys.  I have a feeling I'm not alone.

So, Chinese manufactures and British/American designers - get onto this.  I want a plastic French horn to go with my mouthpiece, and I want it reasonably soon...

Banjolele

I have recently purchased a banjo ukulele.  I didn't actually set out to do that, it just sort of happened.  I dropped by a music shop to see if they had some ukulele books worth buying (answer:  heck yeah!  A book of 250 songs ranging from "Ring of Fire" to "Echo Beach"), and noticed they had a really nice looking banjo ukulele with the ukes.

This thing cost more than my banjo and ukulele put together, but there are somethings you see and you just think "this belongs in my life", so I bought it.  I had toyed with the idea of a baritone uke, and this is still a concert size, but hey...

I'm a ukulele player now.  I wasn't expecting this.  If you had asked me a couple of years ago if I played the ukulele, my answer would be:  "Why would anyone do that?"  But, now I play the ukulele.  Now I own a banjo ukulele.  Now I play "Ring of Fire" on a banjo ukulele.  This is who I am these days.

I'm not a terribly good uke player - I just mumble through with a few chords - but it brings me pleasure.

I think I want a cavaquinho

Which is stupid, of course, because no one in this country sells them.

I should just get a decent uke and be done with it.

But...

I think I want a cavaquinho.