Band width

I have developed a sudden but growing infatuation with "Band" music.

I blame John Philip Sousa.  I had part of "Stars and Stripes Forever" stuck in my head for a couple of days, and had to go find the whole number in order to get myself off that particular section of the piece.

Of course, I noticed that it's actually quite a good piece of music.  And one Sousa piece leads to another, and then you move onto "marches" in general, and then...

Well it all just escalates, doesn't it?

As an Australian, I grew up with images of American marching bands in movies and television programmes but not in "real life".  It seems to be a Big Thing in America - particularly high schools and colleges.

Growing up with American media the way I have, I've heard a lot of that music over the years without really paying attention to any of it.

Here in Australia, we don't really do that sort of thing.  You have to find a community band to join.  There are still band competitions and all that stuff, it's just more of an extra-curricular hobby.  A bit like ballet or squash.  Perhaps we're closer to the British model.  I don't know.

But I've quickly developed a desire to know all about that stuff.  The colour guard, majorettes and associated crap.

But not just the typical American-college-style band.  I also want to know about all those variations of bands.  Pipe bands, brass bands, concert bands, military bands, drum and bugle corp, fife and drum corp... all those things.

There's much to learn.  Now, where to start?

Things that should exist: Horn Mufflers and Practice Closets.

So, here are a couple of things I want to exist, but I don't have the wherewithal to make them myself, so I'm giving the ideas to the world for free:  Music "Mufflers" and Practice Closets.

One of the main reasons why I don't practise any brass instruments on a regular basis is that I'm usually home at night, my walls are thin, and my neighbours don't need a reason to hate me.

When I mentioned to my mother that I was thinking of getting either a horn or a euphonium she practically threw something at me, before saying the immortal words:

"Must you?  You're terrible."

Now, I can't take offence at that, because I *am* terrible.  It's a known side effect of a) inexperience, and b) lack of practice.

To sound less terrible I would have to play more often.  I don't play very often because I sound terrible.

I don't, in theory, mind sounding terrible while I work on getting better.  It's what you're supposed to do.  Everyone sounds like crap playing every instrument, at first.  It takes time to get good at these things.

The trouble with brass, though, is that it's REALLY LOUD.

I mean, REALLY LOUD.

If, like me, you're nervous about ticking off the neighbours too much, then you feel reluctant to practise properly or often, because the sound carries sooooo darn far, and it sounds quite awful.

You can use a mute, sure, but they don't really lessen the sound as much as you may think.  And they make it hard to play.  You don't sound quite right.  You're not breathing the way you would without the mute.

The best thing to do would find yourself one of those sound-proof rehearsal rooms they have in music schools.  But what if you don't have a handy music school?

This is where the Practice Closet comes in.  Imagine a cupboard, just big enough to fit a person with a chair and a music stand in it (tall enough to stand in, wide enough to move your elbows - maybe different sizes depending on the instrument), that's got sound-proof padding on the walls.  Also air-holes, at least one window and a light, so you don't suffocate or freak out from the sensory deprivation.

This would take up about as much space in your house as a regular closet (a bit shorter in one dimension, and a bit bigger in another), and would give you a space to play as loudly as you need to without too much noise getting out to affect the rest of your household/neighbourhood.

I expect the people in your house would still cop a bit of noise, but hopefully it wouldn't be too obnoxious.

This is something that could work for all musicians.  You'd need a pretty big closet for the pianists and drummers, though.

The Muffler idea is more specifically for brass, and it's an evolution of the mute.  It doesn't wedge into the instrument, but rather boxes around the bell.  There's the same sound-proofing in the box, and some material to wrap around the rest of the horn to dampen the sound coming through the tubing.

It would allow the air to move more freely, so you'd still be playing it more or less like you would au naturel, but the sound would be caught to an extent by the box, rather than squeaking through a mute.

If you decide to make either of these things, please offer me a prototype to test.

Come, blow your horn

I'm in Melbourne at the moment, for a conference, and the hotel in which I'm staying is located above one of those trendy Lane way cafés they always talk about. 

And a construction site. 

And just a few steps away from a police station. 

And near a tram stop. 

You could call it "central". 

I call it "not particularly quiet". 

Anyway, as I write this, there is jazz and trumpets (actually, I think it's just one trumpet) which would be kind of cool if it was live, but I think it's just a recording. I didn't see any space in the lane where one could fit a piano. 

I've been thinking about trumpets lately. Well, not trumpets, specifically, but brass. 

Regular readers will know I briefly joined a brass band for the cheap lessons and free instrument hire a few years ago, but it didn't stick. I found the timing of both the lessons and the band practice awkward, and I never stick with awkward things for long. 

A decade or so ago, I wanted to learn the French Horn. I have no idea why. It's not like I was a huge fan of horn music. I still can't tell you the name of any great horn pieces. Or composers. Or players. I enjoyed listening to it when I heard it, and I liked the look of it. 

Hardly a consuming passion, in other words. 

Over the years I acquired a third-hand cornet and a cheap pocket trumpet, because that's just what I do, but I'm no more up to date with the cornet than I am with the French Horn. At least I do know some famous trumpet players. I don't really play either of those instruments anyway. 

I still want to learn how to play the French Horn, and for some years now I've wanted to play the euphonium (because it's beautiful, that's why), but I've never mustered up the wherewithal to do something about it. It's not like I have a great love of concert or brass bands (although I do love a good old fashioned dance band), I just want to play with those toys. 

I've been listening to Emma Eyres read her autobiography, Cadence, and she talks about how much she loved playing the viola, and how much she always wanted to play the cello. How she used to listen to cello music, and how she had cello playing heroes, and how she used to get cello sheet music and play it on the viola, but wish she could pluck up the courage to play the cello for real (without worrying about losing her skill with the viola). 

I have a lot of musical instruments - mostly because I'm a musical bower bird, not because I passionately love any of them. I can honestly say I hardly touch most of them. I can't think of any instrument that I've bought because I loved it so much I had to make it a deep and abiding part of my life. 

I really wanted the concertina, but I hardly ever play it. Same with the banjo. I used to play the recorders quite a bit back in the day, but I haven't played those for a while, either. 

The instrument I play most often is the ukulele, and I didn't even buy that on purpose. I wondered into a music shop one day, being someone who had no interest in the uke (and, to be honest, little respect for it) and walked out with a ukulele and a chord book. I never intended to become a ukulele player. It just sort of happened. 

I still wouldn't really regard myself as a ukulele player, anyway. Just a dabbler. In spite of all the instruments and all of the years I've been playing around with music, I don't really regard myself as a musician. Just a dabbler. 

Take the euphonium, for example. I'd like to own and play a euphonium, but I don't have a vision of myself as someone who is going to practice for a few hours every day, and play in a band, orchestra or quintet. I don't see myself as a euphoniumist, in other words. Heck, I don't even know if that* is* the right word. 

I don't rightly know if this bothers me or not. When I was studying piano back in the last century I think I always expected to become a "real" musician at some point, even if I never thought the piano was going to be my eventual instrument of choice. Since then I've enjoyed dabbling, and acquiring random instruments. 

I wouldn't want to be so hung up on playing well that I'd stop mucking about for fun. But, still, it would be kind of nice to have an instrument that I had that kind of passion for. To think of myself as a real musician, like a violinist or a flautist. 

I wonder if I will ever be that passionate about anything. 

The Box

So, yesterday I fell in love with a plywood box.

You know how sometimes you walk into a shop, pick something up, and never want to put it down again?  But then you have to leave the shop eventually so you end up buying it - even if it's ridiculously overpriced?

Yeah.

I had that moment yesterday with a plywood box.

I walked into Arties Music shop to see if they had any travel ukuleles, and walked out with an overpriced wooden box.

They didn't have any travel ukes, by the way.

Not that it matters, I can't afford one after buying the box.

It is a lovely box, though.  So nice to hold.  And it's so much fun to play with.  It's a bit hard trying to explain to normal people that you're a bit tired because you were up late playing with a wooden box, but that's life.

Almost a musical

I’m on a bit of a Disney kick at the moment, so you’ll either have to ride it out with me or come back later when I’ll be obsessing over something else.

I’ve been trying to work out exactly what it was about Frozen that left me feeling a little flat.  I mean, apart from the panic about an “eternal winter” that didn’t even last a whole afternoon before people were forming possies.

I think it was because it disappointed me as a musical.  It started of with so much promise:  An ensemble piece, the solos, the duet… It looked like it was shaping up to be a worthy companion to Beauty and the Beast.

But then it dropped the ball, musically speaking.  I couldn’t help but feel it was missing a few key numbers.  Where was Elsa’s song about wishing she could love and be loved?  Where was Kristoff’s song about “man this girl is annoying, but she kind of grows on you”?  Where was a nice big number (either a solo, duet on ensemble) about how real love can make a real difference (if not earlier in the piece, it totally should have been in that part where Anna works out what an act of love is all about and Elsa realises how to thaw the kingdom).

Yeah, the “fixer-upper” song was kind of that… only it really, really wasn’t.

What was with that waste of an ensemble?  We had the ice song at the beginning (good start), then the trolls’ number just past the half-way mark, but what about a nice, juicy “hey, it’s beginning to snow!” from the townsfolk at the start of the *cough* eternal winter and a nice big riff on the “do you want to build a snowman” theme at the end?

Can you imagine what the film would have been like if it had ended with the entire cast and ensemble singing “come out and play?”

Have you ever seen the stage version of Beauty and the Beast?  Unlike other adaptations of movies to stage musicals, nothing much needed to be altered to take that film from the screen to the stage.  The original animated film was just a well crafted musical and, because of that, it translated really well from one medium to another.

You wouldn’t be able to do that with Frozen – or with Tangled for that matter.  As much as I loved Tangled, it was also pretty undernourished as a musical.

Quite frankly, I think Pocahontas was a better musical than any of the more recent Disney films.  That’s not meant to imply that I think poorly about Pocahontas and am comparing the more recent stuff with something unfavourable.  I loved Pocahontas so much I actually bought the sound track, and still occasionally burst out with “I look once more – just around the river bend – beyond the shore…”

But that movie is almost 20 years old.  Name one Disney animation from the past two decades that could hold a candle, musically speaking to Pocahontas, let along be in the same league as Beauty and the Beast or The Lion King?

I think Frozen could have done it.  It showed promise.  And then it didn’t live up to that promise, which is such a bummer.

I know it sounds like I hated that film, but I was really just disappointed by it.  It had moments of being almost great, but it was never actually as great as it could have been.

Plastic wood and brass

This is something I think about occasionally:

I have recorders, right?  They used to be made out of wood (okay, the "good" ones still are), but now they're made out of plastic.

I also have a fife made out of plastic.  Those things used to be metal (okay, the "good" ones still are).

I've seen tin whistles made out of plastic.  Those things used to be made of tin, I think (okay, the "good" ones still are).

And I also own a number of plastic mouthpieces for sundry brass instruments.  And when I say sundry, I mean sundry - I have mouthpieces for French horns, euphoniums and mellophones - I've never played any of these instruments.  Heck, I've never even been in the same room as a mellophone.  Let's just say I'm a sucker for a sale item.

Anyway, the point is I have bits of brass instruments that are made out of plastic which were once made out of brass, or something very much like brass (okay, the "good" ones still are).  The same company that made my plastic mouthpieces are now also selling plastic clarinet barrels - once made of wood, I believe...

And I've just discovered that student level clarinets are almost entirely made out of plastic.  Except for one company which is proudly declaring they make theirs out of rubber.  Ooookay.

So, if cheap but functional wind instruments and brass bits can be made out of plastic, why aren't there more plastic "brass" and "woodwind" instruments in the world?

Well, there kind of are.  You can buy a flute made out of the same ABS plastic as the clarinets, which is cheaper than a flute made out silver-plated metal (ooh, there's an interesting concept - using plastic for a "woodwind" instrument that's normally made out of metal).  You can also get trumpets made of ABS plastic.  And someone is manufacturing plastic trombones.  They come in different colours, so you can get a flute in electric blue or a purple trumpet.  Who wouldn't want one of those?

Good luck finding them in a shop.  The student market for instruments seems to be all stitched up with cheap metal instruments that are still more expensive than the plastic stuff.  And, as someone who owns a cheap metal instrument, I really wish it was made out of plastic - I think it would be better quality.  If my pocket trumpet was made out of the same plastic as my alto recorder, it would be a much better instrument.

So why aren't these being mass-produced by dozens of Chinese companies and sold to children?

And, since we can do it with flutes, trumpets and trombones, why not produce the rest of the woodwind/brass family in moulded plastic?

If I were a parent of school children, I'd much prefer to buy them some plastic thingy to learn with until they've proven they're going to stick with it.  If my idiot kid decides s/he wants a trombone for Christmas, but I know s/he's going to keep it up for about a year and then leave the dang thing in a cupboard for the rest of his/her life, I'm totally going to buy him/her the cheapest trombone I can get.

Heck, I practically am raising one of those idiot kids:  me.  I want the toys, but I know what my attention span is like, so I want to buy myself the cheapest toys.  I have a feeling I'm not alone.

So, Chinese manufactures and British/American designers - get onto this.  I want a plastic French horn to go with my mouthpiece, and I want it reasonably soon...

Windy, brassy things

By Fluteflute CC BY 2.5

At some point in my life I wanted to learn how to play the French Horn - or, as serious musicians call it "the horn".

Then I bought a second hand cornet and thought I'd give that a crack.  It eventually lead to a few months' worth of being in a brass band just so I could get lessons, but the timing of both the band nights and the lessons were both of the "I'm not sure I can keep this up" variety and, as it turned out, I couldn't.

Besides, it turns out that I'm not really suited to such high-pitched instruments as cornets/trumpets.  The baritone horn (not actually related to the French Horn) was more comfortable, but possibly a bit low, really.  I think I should have tried something in the middle of that spectrum - but the club had stacks of baritones to lend, so a baritone is what I borrowed (and what I was learning until the sucky timing of everything just got too bad).

But now I'm thinking about French Horns again.  Even as the brass teacher dude was steering me towards the baritone, I was wondering why I couldn't/shouldn't give French Horns a try.

The appropriate answer at the time: brass bands don't do French Horns.  Apparently they're part of the wind section in a concert band.  Who decides these things, anyway?

However, I don't want to spend over $1000 on an instrument that might end up languishing in the instrument graveyard that is my spare room (currently residing in the graveyard:  a cornet, a pocket trumpet, a melodeon, three recorders of various sizes, a fife, a mouthorgan, a kazoo and a concertina that occasionally sees the light of day.  Technically there's an electric keyboard in there, too, but I've managed to con someone else into keeping that in their own spare room).

So I really want to borrow one or buy a second hand model that is functional but very, very cheap.

I could probably borrow one if I joined a concert band, but I'm reluctant to join anything else, quite frankly - even if the local concert band happens to be located in my old school.

Anyone know of a spare French Horn I could have?  I'd be willing to swap it for something from the graveyard, if that sweetens the deal (as long as it's not the recorders or the concertina - they're keepies, even if they are mostly unused).

Banjolele

I have recently purchased a banjo ukulele.  I didn't actually set out to do that, it just sort of happened.  I dropped by a music shop to see if they had some ukulele books worth buying (answer:  heck yeah!  A book of 250 songs ranging from "Ring of Fire" to "Echo Beach"), and noticed they had a really nice looking banjo ukulele with the ukes.

This thing cost more than my banjo and ukulele put together, but there are somethings you see and you just think "this belongs in my life", so I bought it.  I had toyed with the idea of a baritone uke, and this is still a concert size, but hey...

I'm a ukulele player now.  I wasn't expecting this.  If you had asked me a couple of years ago if I played the ukulele, my answer would be:  "Why would anyone do that?"  But, now I play the ukulele.  Now I own a banjo ukulele.  Now I play "Ring of Fire" on a banjo ukulele.  This is who I am these days.

I'm not a terribly good uke player - I just mumble through with a few chords - but it brings me pleasure.

The Uke

I've heard that Kingaroy is a nice town - worth visiting. I actually spent an hour there recently, but it must be said that I have no idea what the town is like.

I meant to spend that hour traipsing up and down the main street and having a look around.

I got as far as the music shop across the road from where I parked.

An hour later I came out again with a ukulele.

This was, to be honest, a little unexpected. Buying a mandolin or a mountain dulcimer was entirely on the cards, but the ukulele kind of came out of the blue. Much like the pocket trumpet I bought in Tasmania.

By the way, does anyone know someone who wants a second hand pocket trumpet? It turns out I have great difficulty playing any trumpet (the mouthpiece is too small for my lips), and a pocket version doesn't really help with that...

But anyway - a ukulele was something I really didn't expect to buy - and partly because I had an anti-ukulele at home.

Many years ago I was given one of those cheap $20 soprano ukuleles as a Christmas present (you know, the ones you see everywhere and assume are fully functional ukuleles), and it was possibly the worst thing that could have happened.

The fact that it existed and I owned it meant I kept trying to play it in one way or another (there were several attempts to retune it and treat it like another instrument). The fact that it was truly terrible meant I kept giving it up and deciding I'd never play a ukulele again.

And, of course, I wouldn't think of buying a better ukulele because I already owned one I never played...

It was (and still is) a horrible, horrible thing - not really worthy of the word "instrument". The strings simply will not tune so that they agree with each other on more than one note at a time. It's terribly frustrating - all chords sound foul and wrong and finger picking melodies can only be done on one string. I suspect the frets are actually in the wrong positions.

Truly, it is an anti-ukulele. It doesn't not perform as a ukulele should, and it encourages you to avoid ukuleles for fear of similar bad experiences.

So, why did I buy a ukulele? Because the mandolin didn't have a hard case.

Seriously, that was my sole reason.

I may be pretty rubbish as a musician, but I'm addicted to playing music, sadly. I get itchy fingers when I don't have an instrument to pluck or strum lying around the place. The banjo didn't have a case and isn't really suitable to travelling light, so I don't take it with me when I go anywhere.

I'd been thinking for some time that I needed a smaller, more travel-friendly stringed instrument, and I wanted to get a proper hard case so I could throw it in with my luggage without worrying.

The mandolin seemed logical - same tuning as the banjo so I could play the same songs the same way... but it was actually a bit uncomfortable to play and didn't come with a hard case.

After thinking long and hard about how much I really needed the mandolin, I looked a little more closely at the ukuleles that were next to it on the display. The concert sized ukes looked strangely appealing - and they had a hard case that would fit, and a book of ukulele chords that would slip into the case along with the instrument...

So I bought a uke - and, you know what? They're actually pretty sweet to play, if you get a real one. I've been playing it a lot lately, as my banjo strings react badly to rainy weather, and it's just lovely.

So, my unintentional quest to own the world's most annoying instruments appears to be continuing unabated.

Oh, and never ever buy anyone one of those cheap $20 ukuleles. They're only suitable as props for people who don't actually intend to try strumming the strings.

I think I want a cavaquinho

Which is stupid, of course, because no one in this country sells them.

I should just get a decent uke and be done with it.

But...

I think I want a cavaquinho.

What I never knew I always wanted

I did buy the banjo that week, if anyone was interested.

It wasn't on the weekend I had hoped, due to a lack of advertised opening hours, but I did have the banjo in my hands before the next weekend.

It fits.

I know that's a strange comment to make about a banjo, but it's true. Something about the thing just fits me - or I fit it, I don't know. The tuning for the Irish tenor banjo just sounds "right" to my ears, the neck fits in my hand comfortably, the chords are where my fingers happily fall on them, the fingers on my other hand just seem to find the strings without my having to think too much about them... the body is just a little bit too round for comfort, but I tend to forget that once I start playing.

The sound is a revelation to me. It's like it fills the whole space. I know that doesn't make much sense, but most of the other instruments I play carry the melody - they don't really have much "body" to the sound. The banjo has “body”. I have to say there's something in the sound of the strings that sings to me - a quality I wasn't expecting to find, but love.

It amazes me that this is the first time I've actually thought to try the banjo. Looking back on it, I think I've wanted this my whole life.

I remember once, when I was in school, seeing an advertisement on the wall of the school office offering guitar and banjo lessons. I distinctly remember, at the time, wondering about the banjo - wondering if it would be something for me.

This was a few years after the guitar lesson thing - and, I think, during the piano lesson thing.

I have a slight problem with musical instruments. I suppose, in the long run, it’s cheaper than drugs, but it still leaves me short of cash and in possession of several instruments I never play.

Part of my problem is I always seem to be searching for some quality, and I end up finding things that are close – but not quite right. I bought a melodeon, a piano accordion and a cornet* when what I really wanted was a concertina. I thought things that were close to a concertina would fulfill my desire for one, but they didn’t. When I finally bought the concertina, it’s like something inside me said, “Yep, that was it,” and my quest was kind of over. I wouldn’t mind owning a better concertina one day, but I don’t feel compelled to find anything that’s “not quite” a concertina.

I think all of the stringed instruments I’ve encountered over the years have been on a similar path. Something inside of me was looking for something in particular but, unlike the concertina, I didn’t actually know what it was. The guitar really didn’t fit. The ukulele didn’t really fit. The ukulele-guitar hybrid was closer, but I ended up breaking two of the strings and found that it fit much better when it was broken…

And then, it fit much better after I tuned the remaining four strings to Irish tenor banjo tuning…

And then I bought a banjo.

The banjo fits.

It’s like something inside me has said, “Yep, that’s it,” and part of the world has fallen into place.

*Yes, I know a cornet is nothing like a concertina. That was part of my “well, who needs a free reed instrument anyway?” reaction to the piano accordion, which really didn’t fit.

Brass players are nutjobs

So, I'm learning the baritone horn.

I had intended to learn the cornet/trumpet, but the guy who is teaching me at an exceptionally reasonable rate suggested a baritone would be more suited to me, physically, and since I get to borrow one for free I thought I'd give it a go.

The fact that it uses exactly the same fingering to produce the same notes (within a different octave range) also made it an easy sell.

He was right - it is a better fit. I sound worse than when I was learning the cornet/trumpet because I'm starting again on a new instrument so I have to redevelop technique, but I can produce a larger range of notes without busting a gut. My lips seem better suited to the larger mouthpiece, and I have the lung power to make it work (although I'm going to have to build up some serious intercostal-diaphragmatic muscles to make it work smoothly). Trying to play my pocket trumpet after practicing the baritone for a while is... shall we say "interesting". And I was just starting to get the hang of it, too.

Anyway, having come from playing the piano, recorder and a bit of concertina, I'm having some difficulty wrapping my head around this "transposing instrument" thing that brass has got going on.

In my world, a C is a C. I can handle playing an instrument that is tuned to a different key, as long as I know that when I look at a C on the sheet music and play a C on the instrument, I am actually playing the note that is written, and could therefore play the same music with any other instrument and make the same notes (give or take an octave). The idea that I can look at a C on the sheet music, play what is supposed to be a C on the instrument, but in fact be playing a completely different note is a bit disturbing.

And yet, it seems from my limited research that a heck of a lot of brass instruments play X number of tones above or below what is written. What's the point of that? Surely its just as easy to know what a C actually is on the instrument instead of picking an easier one to hit and saying "this can be C for us"?

Why spend so much time and effort learning to play scales that aren't actually the scales you're playing? Why get to the point where playing the sheet music is a breeze, if it's all a big fat lie?

And, of course, whoever composes brass music knows (somehow) that the cornet is actually playing a Bb instead of a C, while the (French) Horn is actually playing an F instead of a C, while the Tenor Horn is actually playing an Eb instead of a C...

And then, supposedly, when you write for certain instruments in treble clef they are transposing, but when you write for the same instruments in bass clef they are non-transposing - which means the players need to know what a "real" C is anyway so they can play it in the bass clef...

What the heck? How come no one has turned around and said: "Transposing octaves is one thing, but the rest of you are a bunch of nutjobs and should just learn to read the music, dammit!"

I'm trying to work out exactly how I transpose the sheet music in my brain so that I can play the "true" notes when I need them, but my tired little brain is having issues with that...