You sometimes hear about people who receive messages from God. They talk about how, when they needed it the most, they felt certain words spoken to them deep in their soul that seemed so powerful, it was almost as if they heard them out loud - even though they didn't. They know that no one actually said those words with a human voice, and yet the words were spoken. They were deep and personal and for them, and they made the difference in a situation.
I don't know how many people have been fortunate enough to experience this for themselves. For all I know, everyone gets this at least once in their lives.
About 12 years ago, it happened to me. It was a message that I really needed to hear, and it was spoken to me with a real power and meaning. It was also something I wouldn't have thought of telling myself at the time - a real revelation - but I've been trying to remember this message ever since, and every time I do I feel it's making my life better, and making me a better person.
Those words?
"Don't take it personally. You're not that special."
Now, you might think that sounds negative. Perhaps, in some circumstances, it might be. But it was true, and I needed to hear it. And it has made a really positive change in my life.
When I was a teenager I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I personally believe that the doctor (who was, as it turns out, a complete quack) latched onto a symptom and called it the condition. What I actually had was at least one undiagnosed food intolerance and a bad case of puberty. However, depressive episodes and depressive symptoms were something I had at the time, and continued to have on and off for the next decade or so.
I haven't had any real trouble with this for a while now, at least partly because I've learnt to regard depression as a symptom and a culmination of other factors, and I try to figure out what's triggering it and do something about the cause, rather than the effect. No, that's not an easy thing. And no, not everyone will be in the same boat and be able to do the same thing in the same way. We each walk our own path through the swamp. I may talk more about this later.
The thing about depression is it's part of a spiral that is continually feeding itself. It completely alters the way you see the world, and then the way you see the world makes you feel more depressed. And so forth, and so on, down the tunnel you go.
I had fallen into a habit of asking "why is this happening?" which morphed into "why is this happening to me?" So every time something happened that I felt was unfair, unlucky or just plain unpleasant, I was seeing it as a personal attack. So after a while, if I encountered something inconvenient, I felt it was something that the universe was doing specifically to inconvenience me.
Imagine you're walking along a rough path that has a few potholes and is covered with crud. What I was doing with my attitude was basically assuming that the potholes were there specifically so I would fall into them, and that the crud was placed there so I'd have to encounter it. And by letting this attitude foster, I was essentially picking up every piece of crud and carrying it all with me as I walked through the potholes expecting to trip and make a mess of everything.
With that in mind, think about that message again: "Don't take it personally. You're not that special."
The crud isn't put there for me, it's just there. The potholes aren't part of a test to pass or fail, just a bunch of obstacles - mostly unconnected obstacles at that.
I realised I was imagining a higher purpose to the challenges I faced because I believed I was more special than I actually was. God isn't trying to test me, prove my worth or express His displeasure. I'm not the hero of a story; I'm just a person living a life. I have no reason to expect a better life, so I have no reason to take disappointments personally. I'm not owed a better hand. The only test I have to face is how to play the best game I can with the cards I've been dealt.
I'm not that special. We're all walking this path. It's a pretty rubbish path. That's neither here nor there. That's life. Realising this was the most liberating and positive thing that has ever happened to me.
I still have to remind myself of this on a semi-regular basis. I still find myself responding to a disappointment, an inconvenience, a failure or an obstacle as if it was placed directly in my path specifically to mess with my head. But I tell myself, "You're not that special, princess", and I feel a bit better about the world. And I feel a lot better about myself.
