I am a naturally Grumpy Person. At certain times of the day, I'm particularly Grumpy. I'm mainly Grumpy when I'm tired, but I'm always tired, so that's a bit of a moot point.
Like most Grumpy People, I pretend to be happy and sociable and "okay with other human beings in my space" for a large portion of the day (sometimes I even fool myself). Like most Grumpy People, I can only keep this up if there are times every day where I don't bother pretending and I just avoid people like the plague. Or like we should avoid the plague.
Without my "people free" time, I just get to a point where the Grumpiness creeps in to every moment of my day and I'm just a complete and utter Grump to all and sundry at all times.
Other human beings have trouble accepting this.* As a Grumpy Person, I can tell you that any other human being in your space (unless they are also Grumpy People - and sometimes even them, if they aren't currently feeling too Grumpy), will try to jolly you out of your Grumpiness or cheer you up.
Please understand that this is the worst thing you can do when faced with a Grumpy Person. Grumpy people are Grumpy precisely because they don't want to engage with other people right now. The Grumpiness is a way to say "go away and leave me alone". Being extra friendly and engaging to a Grumpy Person in the middle of their Grumpy time is a bit like trying to put out a fire by adding gasoline.
You may think you're doing them some big favour by dropping by and saying "Hey, friend, I just want you to know I'm here for you and I like you!" but Grumpy People genuinely like being alone and not having to think about how they're interacting with you for a moment. If you interrupt their quiet time with rubbish like this, you may as well just knock a delicious piece of chocolate cake out of their hands just as they were about to savour it and expect them to thank you for it.
My Grumpiness stems in part from the fact that I'm always "on" when I'm around other people. Like may folk (Grumpy or otherwise), I have to make an effort to figure out how I should be trying to act and sound in order to make people feel okay about themselves.
I think about how to make my voice/tone sound light and friendly so people don't think I'm cranky with them. I'm not normally cranky (just Grumpy), but my natural tone seems to come across that way. I make a conscious effort to sound friendly.
I'm trying to remember what I've probably forgotten so people don't feel forgettable. My memory is genuinely problematic, and I literally can't remember things people think I should. I make a conscious effort to at least act like I've remembered everything they thought I should remember if I truly cared about them.
I constantly try to stay focused when I'm listening to people, even though my attention is so poor I struggle to keep track of what I'm saying most of the time (and, yes, I'm well aware of the fact that I fail miserably at this - imagine how much worse it would be if I wasn't struggling to do this).
When you're not a natural "people person", these things all take a heck of a lot of energy. It's a high cognitive load.
And at the same time I'm trying to keep track of all the other things I should be thinking of, paying attention to and remembering - which is damn hard when you think with a limp.
So I have quiet times (and by "quiet" I mean "not engaging in any way with other people"). Times when I can just let my mind wander without thinking about other people and what they want/need from me. Times when I can focus on getting myself ready for facing the world. Times when I can just try to remember to lock the car. Most mornings before work, I don't want to even know you exist, let alone have a conversation with you.
If I pass you in the street I'll say "Good morning!" but that's because it's an accidental meeting that requires no real thought or engagement on my part, and I don't have to care about you. If I have to talk to you or engage with you for and actual, practical reason (e.g., you need to give me information about where I'm going), I can deal with that. But if I have to acknowledge your existence as a person with feelings, I want nothing to do with it. Or you.
It's harsh, but true. I don't want to think about you. I enjoy not thinking about you for large stretches of the day.
I tried explaining this to someone not too long ago, but they clearly (or perhaps willfully) misunderstood, because they interpreted "I don't want to engage with you or anyone else in the mornings" as "feel free to text me to say hi as long as you don't want me to text back". No. You see, even if you don't expect a reply, you do expect something from me. You expect me to think of you. You expect me to see your name pop up and think positive thoughts about how nice you are for thinking about me. No. NO. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, NO!
The parts of me that accept you as meaning well are not switched on until later in the day. Heck, the parts of me that graciously ignore your intrusion into my headspace don't even switch on until I get to work. You will get nothing from me except annoyance and exasperation (unless you step into my space too often, and then you'll also get "anger" and "lashing out").
This is true of all mornings. If we happen to cross paths, so be it. If you go out of your way to make me aware of your existence for no practical reason, I will despise you for it.
I often need quiet times when I get home, too (and occasionally during the day), but I'm in a slightly better space for dealing with your crap then. Odds are, though, I will be Grumpy - just not the monumental Grump I am in the mornings.
I'm not unique. Pretty much everyone who is Grumpy is just trying to have some "quiet time". If you encounter a person who is Grumpy, be kind and give them that time. And if you have a Grumpy Person in your life, and they have intimated to you that there are certain times when they are particularly Grumpy, please pay close attention and understand that if you keep trying to be "there for them" when they want you "far, far away", they won't thank you for it.
*And also puppies. Puppies also have trouble understanding "quiet time"
