Yes, I am intolerant

This is the content of an email I probably should answer, but don't want to:

help apprec tku Mary-Anne this is journal i I am trying to access.. please advise .. I hv found journal but cannot open..this is it: Publication title: Capital & Class Coverage (any format): Spring 1991(no. 43) - present Show format availability Full text available ISSN: 0309-8168‎ Subjects: Business And Economics ; Political Science

"Mary-Anne", by the way, is the name of the person who wrote the email - not the name of the person it might be addressed to.

Here's the thing.  I know what this person wants.  It is in my power to decipher the convoluted reference she has given me (copy and paste from one of our pages, but taken way out of context) and help her find an accessible version of this journal.

But I really don't want to.

I just feel compelled to punish her for clearly forgoing any attempt to think about what she wants to say before writing and submitting an email.  The point of written communication is that you have the opportunity to say "could this be better?" and make some improvements before forcing someone else to read your poorly constructed writing.

I want to punish her for not taking the time to say "my name is Mary-Anne" or "I'm Mary-Anne", but thinking anywhere in the "sentence" is an appropriate place to throw in her name.  I want to punish her for using two full stops at the end of every half-formed sentence (why?  Where is this something people legitimately do?).  I want to punish her for assuming she doesn't have to spend time on making her meaning clear, because I will spend my time filling in her gaps and working it out.  I want to punish her for thinking this is an appropriate way to ask a complete stranger for help.

We don't write emails like this.  It's obnoxious but forgivable when used in chatrooms and discussion boards, because chatrooms and discussion boards are full of people who are too busy/lazy/stupid to think and type and the same time.  You, "Mary-Anne", are a university student who has written to a librarian for help with your research.  Take the extra minute to think about what you want to say before you hit send.

Is today a good day to die?

My cat is probably dead right now.  She had a 5pm appointment with the "big needle", and it's 5.30 as I write this, so...

The trouble with my cat is that we have known for a while that she isn't very well and dying of natural causes would probably be hideously unpleasant.  Dying in one's sleep is the "dream", but it isn't a common way to go.  It certainly doesn't seem like something my cat would do.  She's a hanger-oner.  She would keep trundling on, even as she became more and more emaciated.

When your pet suddenly deteriorates and is obviously in quite a lot of pain, it's easier to make the call to take it to the vet.  When they are slowly deteriorating, on the other hand, it's hard to notice how far they've passed the post.  They still seem relatively okay, in the grand scheme of things.  Not noticeably worse than yesterday...

And then one day you realise that things are bad, they're never going to get any better, and you can't win the war - just prolong it.  But still, you need something to noticeably change in order to spur you into action, when it comes to killing a beloved pet.  If it's not the pet, then it's going to be something in the surrounding environment.  And then, even though it is a kindness, you still feel like you killed something you love for relatively pathetic reasons.

Without a sudden, sharp decline in the pet's health, it never seems like a good time to put them down.

But, let's face it, there is no good way to die.  However it happens, it's going to suck.  It's going to suck for the nearly departed, and it's going to suck for the people left behind.  

That goes for all of us.

Natural causes are usually awful, and the alternatives consist of a) being killed and eaten by wild animals, b) being killed in battle and c) being killed by a freak accident.  These options are not very accessible in the comfy middle-class environment of the 21st Century.

I think the Vikings (and Klingons) had the right idea.  Convince yourself that it is good and glorious to die in battle.  Death is unpleasant, but quick, and you spend your last moments on Earth thinking "yes, I got this bit right!"

Certainly better than dying of natural causes, or waiting for someone you love to look at you and say "yep, time to kill her."

Today is as good a day as any other.

And it sucks.

Target ball

Okay,  I've been a few times now, and can officially say that lawn bowls are awesome.

It has this weird quality of being vaguely meditative while active and social at the same time.

I've also being playing petanque at home (right hand against left hand) and finding that thoroughly enjoyable as well.  The whole target ball thing is really floating my boat at present.

It's quite, quite different from fencing - and I suspect it will have a longer "shelf-life" as well.  While I'm enjoying fencing, I can't see myself lasting for more than a few years.

Actually, I've been having a bit of trouble with enjoying the fencing lately.  I haven't been for a few weeks due to sickness and other sundry excuses, but the past few months haven't been as much fun as they used to be.

It has taken me a while to figure out why, but I think it's because I'm crappier at it than I'd like to be, and I feel like my general crappiness is letting down my coaches.  I have a number of flaws that are getting in the way of overall improvement.  I'm improving slowly in some areas, but I'm not obviously improving at all in others.  It's starting to feel like the lack of improvement is all anyone can see (including myself).

I feel like I need to give myself permission to be crap at this in order to enjoy it again.  It's like I'm not playing any more, I'm just failing.  No one can enjoy that.

So, maybe it's no wonder that lawn bowls is looking more and more attractive to me.  Sure, it's not as physically demanding as fencing, and it doesn't encourage me to build my athletic base like fencing does, but at the moment it feels more relaxed and comfortable.

But where does the blood go?

I have encountered a number of different things involving amputees lately, and they have caused an old question to press on my mind.

People have things in their body, right?  Things like circulatory systems and lymphatic systems and sundry other things called systems...

A normal, fully limbed person has a network of veins, arteries and capillaries that go (quite literally) from head to toe.  The blood goes around and around these sundry tubes in a somewhat circular fashion - hence the term "circulatory system".

Under normal circumstances, the blood goes from your heart down to your toes (or out to your fingers) and back up to your heart again.

So, when you amputate something, where does the blood go?

I can accept that modern doctors would be able to stitch the ends of your internal tubing together so that the circulating things can still circulate, but microsurgery is a fairly recent development and people have been losing limbs for centuries.

All of those pirates and Civil War soldiers who had their limbs lopped off in the middle of battlefields or on the high sees would not have had someone carefully attaching their plumbing up the right way.  So where did the blood go?  How did they not just bleed out and die?

What strange magic is at work in the body that a continuous system can cease to continue, and somehow that isn't as much of a problem as you might expect it to be?

Out of the park.

For various reasons, I have just submitted one of the worst essays I have written for a long time.

I've decided to partly blame baseball.

I gave myself plenty of time to work on this assignment - including three "study days" at home a full week before it was due.

Then I spent those three days feeling sick as a dog and watching baseball for most of the mornings.

I watch baseball, now.  I've been doing it for, oh, about a week.  Not every game, obviously, just the ones I happen to be home for.

It's good, because I'd half decided to have the Pittsburg Pirates as my "nominal team" (because of the name, obviously), but now that I've watched them play twice it seems less contrived.

Also, it's a bit odd, but watching baseball matches while feeling weak and slightly delirious makes it really easy to get hooked on the sport.  I'm now feeling a bit like I'm going through baseball withdrawal.

I'm not sure how coherent my essay was, but I think I successfully managed to avoid using phrases like "bottom of the ninth", so I guess I'll have to just be happy with that.

World's Indigenous People Day

The VC sent around an email that included this sentence:

"We are very fortunate here at J-- as we have so many cultures represented including our visiting international students and staff, many of whom are Indigenous to their country"

And it made me sad.  Somehow, other people get to be "indigenous", even if they are in a different country.  Me?  I'm not "indigenous" to anything (not the country where I was born, and not the countries where my parents or grandparents were born either).

Not usually an issue, but today it makes me feel homeless.

Lawn

So, I tried lawn bowling the other night (barefoot bowls at the bowling club that is third closest to where I live - since they were the only ones who bothered mentioning that people thinking of trying bowling should come to a barefoot bowls night).

I had actually gone a couple of weeks before to learn how to throw those things, but this time I put my name down and joined a game.

It's very enjoyable, and slightly addictive.  I think I shall continue.

A couple of people mentioned I had good form and could, with a few months practice and some coaching, be good enough to compete.  I assumed they were buttering me up because I'm under 50 and I'm interested in lawn bowls.

However, I can't help but think it would be nice to do something like that.  I'm not likely to get to competition standard in fencing any time soon, and I've discovered that bowls can be a very... "rewarding" sport.  They have ribbons, pendants, medals and trophies.

I think one of those bowling trophies would look awesome in my house.

Not that it will ever happen.  Those retirees seem to be trying to keep the sport to themselves - why else would they schedule every "proper" club match and competition to take place during the day in the working week?

I'd have to quit my job if I want to take up lawn bowls seriously...

Existential thoughts

I'm having another set of "why am I doing this" moments.

Why am I getting another education degree when I already have two and I don't use them?

Why am I still studying this daft German course when I think I'd do better with a private tutor?

Why am I dumb enough to study two degrees for my own personal amusement even though they have nothing to do with my current career - which is one of the best jobs in the world?

Is "my own personal amusement" enough of a motivating factor to keep me going when the going gets rough?

Is the fact that I only have two subjects left to finish the Diploma enough of a reason to finish the damn diploma...?