Further to the Last

Actually, I've been thinking about that a lot, recently (see the last post, on Eglantine Part Five).

I wrote Eglantine about a year ago, and that theme of "change-the-face-and-change-the-person-behind-it" has often played on my mind since.

It's because I've been making subtle changes to my own appearance over the last year - and it's because of the way I've been doing it. I've been changing the person behind the face, and that has resulted in my face looking a bit different.

Between the beginning of last year and the tale end of this year, I've lost a bit of weight, gained a bit of muscle, improved the quality of my skin tone and picked up a vibrancy, of sorts. I feel more up-and-at-'em, and the people around me have told me it's coming out in my face.

I look better, I feel better (although I know I've still got a long way to go), and it's all because I'm starting to live better. Juggling started it off, but the training for the triathlon really proved to be the catalyst. I made some serious changes to my life-style in order to survive that thing, and while I've been slacking off during the cold dark days of winter, I managed to retain the attitude I had to create to make it all work.

Yes, that's right, I had to create an entire attitude. The same way I made myself like capsicum and coffee, I made myself like exercise. I convinced myself that I love riding my bike so much I'd rather go to work that way instead of taking the car (even though it's awkward). I convinced myself that running was enough of a buzz to make up for the fact that it was hard work - that getting up an hour earlier in the morning just so I could go for a run was worth it because running was its own reward.

Yes, trying to fit it into my lifestyle was a struggle, but I've found that I'm slowly creating a whole new lifestyle. So much so, that I'm planning to cycle around a small European country next year. Two years ago I would never have considered it.

I realised the other day that I have made myself love and value things that I once disliked, or was indifferent to. I also realised that in doing so, I've become a different version of me. The Me that existed five years ago wouldn't recognise the Me that I am today. It wouldn't recognise my interests, the way I spend my time or the sorts of things I spend my money on.

If I was still the old me, I wouldn't have been able to pick up my fitness level the way that I have. I had to become a different person in order to make these positive changes to my appearance. Oh, I still have a long, long way to go, and I think I'll have to change myself many times over in the process. I can't help but wonder exactly who I'll turn myself into in the end.

I think the next step involves cultivating a dislike for things I have previously liked and enjoyed - changing my attitude yet again. Mainly for things like chips, deep fried food and the like. I'm already at the stage where I often crave salads instead of crumbed sausages... But sometimes those crumbed sausages just call to me. Must make myself view them as unpleasant things that I do not wish to place in my mouth.