It's been a while since I've posted anything, so I'll compensate by writing something that's too long for anyone to read:
Lately, I’ve been
thinking about being a witch. Not a “proper”,
actually-dabbles-in-spells-and-magic witch, but rather the type of woman who is
rumoured to be a witch.
When I was on holidays
in Guernsey I discovered their “national” museum (great place – I recommend
it), and it has a lovely section where a diorama of sorts tells you stories
from Guernsian folklore. The last story on the list is about an old woman who is
accused of being a witch. Since then, I’ve run across a few similar stories in
short story collections. It’s not that I’ve never heard or read stories on this
subject before, but for some reason I’ve stumbled across a number of them
lately, and they’ve got me thinking about witchy things.
There are basically
two variations of this story, and I’ve encountered many retellings over the
years:
1. A woman who once
had a family and was involved in the community suffers a tragic loss, withdraws
from society, is rumoured to be a witch because she shows all the hallmarks of
being a witch, is then shunned by society and eventually dies alone. One or two
people encounter her shortly before she dies and realise she’s just a lonely
old woman, but they don’t manage to do much about it before she ups stumps and
carks it.
2. A highly
intelligent but not very social woman lives on her own, on her own property,
and keeps herself amused following intellectual pursuits. Someone decides she’s
in the way (perhaps he – it’s almost always a he – wants her land), or she
annoys the wrong person and makes a powerful enemy, or something unfortunate
happens and the villagers need a scapegoat. It is decided she shows all the
hallmarks of being a witch, so that provides a convenient excuse to do away
with her and steal her property.
What these two stories
usually have in common – and this is something that can be seen in almost every
retelling in some way, shape or form - is the “hallmarks of being a witch”.
People look at the way these women live their lives, and start spreading
rumours involving the dark arts.
But what are the hallmarks
of being a witch?
1. Living arrangements: A rumoured witch is a woman who lives alone,
without a husband or children to take care of. She might be living with a female companion, such as a relative or
friend (in which case, it’s possible they’re both witches, in a coven) or a “special” friend – in which case
they are definitely both witches,
because we all know that lesbianism doesn’t exist but the dark arts do. But the
point is, she’s an “independent woman”, and those are not to be trusted.
2. Dependants and associates: A rumoured witch probably has pets –
particularly cats. A witch will have animal familiars, after all, and nothing
says “associates with evil forces” quite as emphatically as owning a cat. She
may also occasionally be seen with other social misfits. They are probably also
associated with the Dark One – otherwise, why else would they be misfits? She
is unlikely to have any friends from amongst the “normal” people in town. Mind
you, that could be because they think she’s a witch.
3. Living quarters: A rumoured witch will live in a cottage on the
outskirts of town, or a cabin in the woods, or an old mansion-type house on a
large property on one of the oldest streets in the oldest suburb (it’s probably
been in the family for generations) – somewhere with few close neighbours. Her
property is probably large enough to have an extensive garden (which is, no
doubt, overgrown and slightly out of control) and makes sure no one sees more
than a glimpse of her occasionally. Her house will be described by any of the
following adjectives in combination: Mysterious, foreboding, ramshackle,
ancient, run-down, brooding.... (basically, old and/or quirky and/or gone to
seed).
4. Furnishings and accessories: It is highly unlikely that many people will
see the inside of the rumoured witch’s house, but if they did they would find
it full of assorted oddments, strange objects and apparatus. Perhaps it will be
full of old books (which we can only assume are on topics like necromancy and
spell-casting), or perhaps the place has a lot of plants and dried herbs on
display (also for the spell casting). It’s probably also messy, and most things
are not neatly filed away.
5. Clothing: A rumoured witch dresses in a highly idiosyncratic manner. She may be
wearing clothes that are unfashionably out of date, or she might be wearing
clothes that are decidedly Not Pretty, and are (shock! horror!) practical.
These clothes give her the freedom to move around and engage in her witchy
activities. Which brings us to:
6. Hobbies and interests: A rumoured witch is probably interested in
plants. She may be an avid gardener (even though her garden is a bit on the
“wilderness” side), or she may be the kind of person who goes out into fields
and forests and comes back with plant samples. If she were a man, she’d be an
amateur botanist. But she’s a single woman, so she’s probably collecting herbs
for spells. If she’s literate, she’ll be an avid reader, and she might also be
interested in tinkering with things or making inventions (all of which are
definitely unsuitable pursuits for a woman).
Now, it’s at about
this point where you might be noticing a slight trend in the “hallmarks of
being a witch”: they’re all things that are actually really neat.
A witch is someone who
lives independently in an interesting house with a fun garden who is
comfortable with her own company and likes animals. She has a range of
interests and hobbies, and a relaxed attitude towards matters like clutter and maintenance.
She dresses comfortably in clothes that suit her lifestyle, and isn’t a slave
to trends and fashion. She’s not afraid of doing things that are unladylike,
and she sees no need to live in a way that pleases anyone else. She doesn’t
need the “latest” things and is happy re-using or re-purposing old items and
antiques. She occasionally hangs out with other people who are similarly
liberated from the expectations of “polite” society, but she doesn’t need the
company - she can take care of herself.
While I was thinking
about these things, I realised that I’m pretty darn close to being a witch
myself:
3. I chose my
house because it had character (although, ideally, I’d like a tree-house or
something with a lot of stone, a lot of wood and a lot of quirk). I don’t have
a big garden, but I potter in it most afternoons and I like it best when it’s
slightly over-grown.
4. I have a
lot of crap, er, clutter, er, stuff from various different
hobbies and interests that I’ve had over the years. This includes books,
musical instruments, knick-knacks, odds and ends and equipment for things that
I’m not sure I’ll ever use.
Basically, if I had
more antiques, an older, quirkier house and a bigger garden (and knew anything
about the plants that grew in that garden), I’d be well on my way to being a
rumoured witch. Oh, and I probably need less boring clothes. But then, part of
the witchy lifestyle that I’ve identified is being completely fine with
whatever it is that you’re wearing.
And I’ve come to the
realisation that I’m only dabbling in the shallow end of this pond. Now that
I’ve recognised the features, it could turn into a full-blown lifestyle choice.
This could be the next Hygge, or Scandi, or whatever lifestyle fad people have
these days.
To live the Witchy Life
is to be: independent, eclectic, interested in hobbies and books, happily
cluttered, comfortable with being messy, comfortable with being unfashionable,
comfortable with being “odd” and surrounding by things that make you happy.
It’s kind of like
being a hipster, only lazier and more introverted – it’s all about being
comfortable, and less about being “on-trend”. A hipster may dress like a dork
“ironically” in order to feel superior to the masses, but a witchy person will
dress like a dork because they like dressing that way – they dress for
themselves, and not to be seen. A witchy person would smash their own avocado
in their own kitchen and skip the café – because the café may be nice, but
their own breakfast nook is nicer.
It actually sounds (to
me, at least) like a pretty cool lifestyle to embrace on purpose. Although the
downside is that people might start spreading rumours that you’re a witch.
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