Stephen

Stephen asked me to help him right a small biography, so here's the best one I could come up with in my current state of consciousness:

Stephen was orphaned at a young age as a result of a terrible accident involving an ice-cream scoop and a decommissioned submarine - the details of which are still classified by the Swiss Navy.  He was raised by walruses on the islands off the coast of Vanuatu, and ate a diet consisting almost entirely of fish until, at the age of 14, he left to join the foreign legion.  Since then he has been horribly allergic to seafood and can only eat seal meat if it is prepared with peanut butter.  After several years serving as a peace-keeper in the war-torn country of New Zealand, he retrained as a helicopter pilot, but an incident with the Mafia led to his being place in the witness protection programme.  He now works as a librarian in an undisclosed location, under the name of "Irvin Farnsworthy".