Terra Nullis

Ma olen tagasi Austraalias.

Back in "The Land of the Long White Cloud"... Oh, no, sorry, that's New Zealand.  Australia is "The Land of the Long Weekend".  I get those two confused sometimes.

Australians do like their long weekends.  We like our public holidays so much we're actually celebrating the Queen's Birthday twice this year.  I discovered yesterday that I'm working on that particular long weekend, which is fair enough because I had the last Queen's Birthday free.

The past few days have involved far too much sitting.  Apart from sitting for approximately 23 hours for the plane flights home, I'm now back in my house (where I sit too much because it's a habit) and my workplace (where I sit too much because my workstations are designed to encourage it).  I've been spending the past six weeks on my feet more often because I've been out more.

Granted, I had two weeks when I sat in a class room for several hours a day, and two weeks where I sat in a bus for several hours a day, but I spent more time standing or walking overall.  Particularly the last two weeks, in Italy and Vienna.

The Italians have developed an interesting relationship to sitting down.  People who own places where one might sit (like a cafe) have worked out they can charge extra for the privilege.  If you buy your food "take-away" or eat standing at the counter, it costs less than if you sit at a table.  So, most Italians eat standing up if they can.  There also seem to be hardly any places to sit in public places like train stations.  It's like charging people for sitting has lead to a culture where everyone stands as a matter of course.

In Vienna I was just constantly walking around and looking at things.  One day I got back to my hotel after 9pm, and realised that I had only sat down for an hour the whole day.  That was 11 hours on my feet.  I ate lunch sitting but had dinner from a hot-dog stand, and I always stand on subways so I don't vague off and forget what station I'm looking for...

No wonder I managed to lose weight even though my diet included far more pastries and ice-creams than usual.

I've been in a bit of a daze since coming home.  I'd like to blame it on the jetlag, but it started to kick in before I left Europe.  I couldn't shake the feeling that I knew where I was as long as I was moving.  I suspected I would start feeling lost the minute I had to stand still (or sit, as the case may be).

I've been feeling a bit grey and uncertain about life, the universe and everything since January, when I came to the realisation that it was time for me to move on, but I had no idea what I want to move on to.

I still want to work as a librarian, and I want to study, and logically I want to find work as a librarian that gives me time to study...  But the question "where?" is a rather large one, and it's only slightly distracting me from "what?" and "why?"

I feel like my life has morphed into that moment when you walk into a room to get something, but you can't remember what it was.  I have a sense that I should be moving towards something, but all I can identify are the things I want to move away from.

I want to go somewhere, rather than just somewhere else.  The last few times I moved it was because I wanted or needed to move away from where I was.  I want to move to something this time.  I want to feel as if I've found something I want for a change.

Trouble is, I don't know what I want.