A bit of updating

Practicum stuff so far:

I appear to have survived the first week.  I have to admit, I was actually concerned I wouldn't.  As I was preparing myself mentally for this prac, I was remembering all of the things that went horribly, horribly wrong back when I was a high school teacher, and starting to freak out a bit.

People usually laugh when I mention that I was a really bad teacher.  They think I'm making some sort of self-depreciating joke.  I am prone to self-depreciating jokes, but it's actually a bit of a ruse - I occasionally through in comments about my real faults, and let people think I'm joking so that I can feel I've given fair warning without actually making anyone wary.

Yet, it's true.  I was a really bad teacher.  I really didn't belong in a high school environment, and I failed a lot.  I fail a lot as a general rule, but when you are responsible for the academic development of 80-odd teenagers, stuffing things up takes on a whole new dimension.  Nobody holds you accountable quite like a teenager.

One of the reasons I left teaching was I honestly felt traumatised by just how badly my little failures blew out of proportion in that environment.  I had let myself forget how much I hated being in that situation until this prac came up.  Suddenly, I remembered I'm still a little bundle of stuff-ups, and can probably fail this thing six ways to Sunday.

I'm at my best when I can help, but I can't hurt.  In a teaching environment, I can hurt big-time.  It's not my happy place.

So far, it's been "not horrible".  I've learnt a lot from watching the teachers in that environment - both things I should do, and things I shouldn't do.  I'll probably talk about some of them over on the other blog.

One thing I had forgotten about the teaching environment, though, is how tiring it is.  You start earlier in the morning than normal people (getting to work ahead of the students to get some extra preparation in) and spend most of the day on your feat, and "on".  It's like being on stage for four hours straight.  And then there's several hours in the afternoon spent trying to prepare for the next day.  Add in the fact that I have to get up at 5am just to get out of the house in time to catch the bus...

I'm bone weary.  Ich bin müde.  Ma olen väga väsinud.  No matter how you say it, I'm so dang tired I can barely think coherently.

And I have an assignment due on Monday - as well as lesson plans for 15 hours worth of teaching.

It is helping to crystalise something, though - I think I'd rather support teachers than be one.