Still obsessing about lawn bowls

I know, I know, I should just shut up and join a club or something.

But...

...They're vaguely intimidating, and I feel like I'm both sought after and undesirable and the same time - which is a really weird feeling.

It's something about the way they seem desperately grateful to have new people, but don't particularly want to change things to make it possible for new people to ease in.

It's still very much the domain of people who are free during office hours (as opposed to people who work and/or study) - and still very much the domain of people who want to take bowling seriously (as opposed to people who just want to give it a go and see if it takes).

I've recently discovered one of the oldest clubs in town is desperate for members, and I have a vague desire to infiltrate their club and use it to conduct strange experiments regarding the future of lawn bowls in this town.

I want to install petanque/bocce courts beside the green and open the place up to families looking for a fun activity on a weekend (offering petanque, bocce, lawn bowls and table bowls - heck, maybe we could even rustle up enough indoor space to include carpet bowls).

I want to alter their opening hours so that they have mixed competition "days" after 6pm (they can still keep their mens and ladies things for their retirees during the day, if they want) to give workers an avenue into the competition side of the sport.

I want to open the joint up on Saturdays and Sundays from 10am to 6pm for "casual" games that can start and finish at any time during that period.  No one has to get their names in, they just have to turn up with someone to play with.  As long as there's space to play, they can play.

I want to throw in a regular barefoot bowls night that will allow people without playing partners to come along and join in.

I want to turn the kitchen into a kiosk, selling icecreams and cold drinks all day on the weekends, and offering toasted sandwiches at lunchtime on Saturdays and Sundays (and maybe also on the club days when the ladies and men are playing).

I want to have them open for "dinner" on Saturday and Sunday nights - a BBQ on Saturdays, and a Roast on Sundays.

I want to alter the membership schedule so that there are three different kinds of membership:

• Casual (gets you a membership card for the weekend, with all the discounts, and includes one "free" game), 
• Social (gives you all the member discounts for the year and invitations to members-only social events) and 
• Full (gives you the right to compete for the club, free entry to competition days and all the stuff the Social membership has).

There will be two prices for everything - food, drinks, games, merchandise:  everything - one for "members" and one for "walk-ins".  When members can get 15% off beer and icecream, I suspect a number of "walk-ins" will decide a Casual membership for the weekend might not be a bad idea.

Oh, and we'll get rid of that whole "nominated and seconded" by thing required for membership that I've seen at most bowls clubs.  If you want to join, we won't put hurdles in your way.

I want to sell merchandise during opening hours:  generic lawn bowls crap, generic Townsville crap, and specific "playing lawn bowls at this particular club in Townsville" crap.  Hats, T-shirts, mugs, that sort of thing.

And I want to create some sort of communication plan, where things like opening hours and membership options are made available to the general public.  Something like, I don't know, a functioning website.  Perhaps even an email address, which was really easy to find, where one can send emails and have questions answered.

That's what I'd do, if I could infiltrate this club and bend it to my wishes.  Then, maybe, I'd feel comfortable about turning up to the club to play.

There may be a flaw in my plan, though...