An Interview With Captain Twomey-Fosnot

The following interview took place on the moors near Captain Katherine Twomey-Fosnot's spacious estates. For some reason, she insisted on walking her dog, a saarloos wolfhond named "Jonathan", while conducting the interview.

Captain Katherine Twomey-Fosnot, thank you for agreeing to this interview
Oh, please, call me "Penny" - positively everyone does.

Really? Why?
You know, I don't rightly know...

Okay. Well, your fans have been dying to hear about your latest adventures. Is it true you've retired from the armed forces?
Yes, quite true. It was fun for a time, but I really only joined so I could earn the rank of captain. They were threatening to promote me to major, so I positively had to leave.

I see. What part of the armed forces were you in, again?
The Light Horse Brigade.

I thought that was Australian?
Most people do.

And, is it?
Oh, indubitably. I did so try to encourage Britain to take up the concept, but the British army simply isn't interested in the model. More's the pity - it was highly effective during the Boer War, you know. And the early 20th Century form of combat is particularly suited to my sporting background.

Ah, yes. I remember you competed on a national level in... what was it again?
Modern Pentathlon. Running, shooting, swimming, fencing and horse riding - very invigorating, I must say. That was in the Summer, of course. During the Winter I competed in the Biathlon for the Danish national team.

Oh, are you part Danish?
Oh, heavens no! But don't tell anyone.

Ah, I see. So, now you are working for the Harris & Byrne Book Detective Agency?
Yes, that's right. I'm always up for a new challenge, what ho!

What exactly do you do, working for a Book Detective Agency?
Oh, some people might find it a bit boring, I suppose. People write into the agency with literary puzzles - problems with books and what not. For example, if a book leaves loose ends or contains unanswered questions and ambiguities. That sort of thing. I then go to a lot of libraries and archives and sort through manuscripts, personal effects, hand written notes and correspondence to see if I can find the answer. Then sometimes I use a time machine to go back and talk to the author.

Really?
Oh, but only if they absolutely cannot be contacted by séance. Time travel is such a messy thing. It's always awkward when you accidentally overshoot your mark and you find yourself talking to an author about a book they haven't written yet.

Yes, I can see how that would be awkward. Have you made any startling discoveries in the course of your work so far?
Well, I had a perfectly fascinating talk with Mary Shelley about exactly how Dr Frankenstein created his monster. It turns out he -- Jonathan! Jonathan, leave that duck alone! No, stay out of that pond! I'm so sorry but you'll have to excuse me. It has been so very amusing talking to you.

Um, thank you for your time.

Captain Twomey-Fosnot ran off after her dog, and never returned. The interview was terminated, and it took me half-an-hour to find my way back to the car.