"Owner says sell!"

I go through a real estate phase every couple of years or so.  I hit a point where I think I must surely try to own a house or something, and start looking at what's on the market.

I start out with something resembling an idea of what I want.  Then I start getting all sorts of "great" ideas.  Then I confuse myself horribly, and end up deciding the easiest thing to do is Nothing At All (otherwise known as "waiting").

The trouble is I don't actually have to buy anything.  I'm not moving to a new town, no one is kicking me out of the place where I live right now and I'm an only child, so the chances that I'll inherit property at some point are pretty high.

Without the incentive to hurry up and buy something, I don't actually need to buy anything... so I can "wait" until I find something I really want to buy.

Of course, I don't know what I want.  I never know what I want.  I want lots of things, and then I don't want them at all.  I'm about as decisive as a Magic 8 Ball stuck on "Maybe".  I dither with the best of them.

Plus, after a few weeks of reading property advertisements, I start getting the distinct impression that all real estate agents are a bunch of dorks.

Have you ever read what real estate agents write in their ads?  Much of it can be evenly divided between the following categories:

• Obfuscation
• Pointless Stupidity
• "Why would you bother saying that?"
• "Did you ever think of proofreading your work before paying to have it published?"

I always want to slap the agent whenever I read the words "Owner says sell!" at the top of an ad.

Well, duh!  I would hope the owner told you to sell their house - otherwise this advertisement is completely inappropriate.  

And since when has the fact that the owner wants to sell their property become a marketable feature of the property?  You don't see "manufacturers say sell!" written on socks and hosiery.

I read an ad for a house the other day that proudly boasted "duel driveways".  Does that mean the driveways are duelling with each other, or do we use the driveways for duels?  

"Pistols at dawn on the southern driveway!"

Why would I want to buy a house from these people?