Owning stuff

So, my latest hair-brained idea is to buy an investment property in Caloundra.

Actually, this is just the latest instalment of a hair-brained idea that keeps popping up in various guises and then disappearing again under a mountain of "Oh, maaaaan - even thinking about this seriously is too much effort."

I am now in my mid-30s, and I don't own anything.

Well, I own a car.  Technically, a van.  Theoretically, I could put a bed and some curtains in that van and call it my "home", and then I would own my own home.  This does not seem like something people who actually have jobs should do.

I live with family, or I house sit.  I have rented and probably will again.  I just don't own my own place - I never have - and every now and then a little voice tells me I should.

For years now I have toyed with the idea of buying a unit or a house or something.  I have even gone so far as to actually inspect a couple of units in the past.  The problem is that I have deep philosophical issues with the current property ownership environment.

Housing prices are based not on what you can conceivably afford by saving up your money for, say, five years.  They are calculated on what you can borrow.  No one is going to ask for what you can reasonably afford if they know that they can ask for an extra $100,000 or $400,000 - and you'll just borrow that from a bank because that's what people do nowadays.

Have you ever read a property lift-out from a news paper?  Perfectly ordinary houses are now being sold for over a million dollars - not because the house is worth that much, but just because people have asked for that, and people have been willing to borrow the money necessary to pay it, and now there's a precedent.  It's crazy stuff, man.

Even if you save aggressively and aimed modestly, the whole housing loans things will forever push the prices just a few hundred thousand dollars beyond what you could save for.  There's no option other than taking out a loan - and then you don't really own a house so much as a bank owns you.

I can't possibly save up enough money to buy a place without going into debt.  I don't want to owe anyone more than I can pay back in a couple of years.

This basically puts me out of the housing market.

But, on the other hand, I've played enough Monopoly in my time to know that owning property is a good and useful thing.  Not as useful as owning the waterworks, the electrical company and all of the train stations - but that's not as easy to arrange in the non-Monopoly environment.

Part of the trouble is I currently live in the same town as two other family members, and it just seems weird to buy my own place when that means there will be exactly three of us, and we will each be living in three separate abodes paying three separate lots of rates.  It's actually practical and sensible for me to live with my family and split the "running costs" and house-work duties.  It's what used to be considered "normal" before our Western concept of a nuclear family decided splitting the atoms was the way to go.

So, owning my own place here just seems silly (as well as expensive and debt magnetic).

But, the other day I read an article about people who rent the house/unit/whatever where they live, but still own investment properties.  Apparently, renting your house out to someone else while you rent yourself makes things like property maintenance a tax-deductible thingy-whatnot.  And there's all that negative gearing stuff that people talk about as if those were words describing real things.

And it occurs to me that, while I'm paying board rather than rent, I'm in a pretty good position to take advantage of this.  It could be that buying my own home makes more sense if I'm not living in it.

Since my grand plan is to try to shift the family down Caloundra/Buderim way in the future, it makes sense to try to buy something in that area so I've got property at Caloundra prices to sell when the time comes to buy a house in that area...

So, yeah.  I'm currently toying with the idea of buying an investment property in Caloundra, even though I don't live in Caloundra and I still won't own my own home.

Although, there is always the van...

Shadow Tennis

So, I've decided to jump on the latest fitness craze and I've ordered some Tae-Bo DVDs.

I was sorely tempted to try Tap-Out, but figured I already owned enough expensive white elephants.  If I want to experiment with finding out whether I'm a "work out in your home in front of the TV!" person, I may as well chose yesterday's fad.  By getting a really popular DVD that no body wants any more, you can get it really cheap.

Four DVDs for under $25.  That's all I'm saying.

Anyway, while I'm waiting to do whatever the heck it is you do when you do that stuff, I've been using the one and only other exercise DVD I have - it came with my dumbbells, and goes for about half-an-hour.  It's not bad, but after doing it three times I'm a bit board with it.

Then, last week, I noticed Wimbledon was being screened of an evening.  It suddenly occurred to me that there's actually a pretty fine line between televised tennis and televised aerobics.  You have to squint and turn your head sideways, but the similarity is there and you can see it.

So, here's my current "fitness craze":  shadowing the ball in on-screen tennis.

I "serve" with whoever is serving, then chase the ball from one side of the screen to the other (well, I have a slightly larger playing service than the width of my TV, but you get the gist) and "hit" it whenever one of the players hits it.

Essentially, I'm playing both sides of the tennis match at the same time.

It's actually really fun.  Certainly makes watching the tennis more entertaining.  I have a better appreciation for the really tricky shots, too.

In the ad breaks I do some sit-ups and push-ups to turn it into a more elaborate work-out.  I can tell you, after an hour or so of this, I feel like I've been exercised.

Baby Bear Steps

Regular readers of this blog may recall that I came back from a trip to Brisbane late last year having made the (admittedly, rather obvious) observation that fencing – while one of the most inherently awesome sports on the planet – is the least useful martial art in the history of martial arts.

It is so useless as a martial art that I think we can safely say it isn’t a martial art at all – even if books about fencing are filed in the same place as books about karate and tae-kwan-do in most public libraries.

It is so useless that I actually think the cross-country running component of a pentathlon offers a better set of skills for surviving dangerous situations.

It is so useless, in terms of fostering real combative skills, that in a truly combative, life-or-death situation, I would not put money on a fencer to win a sword fight.

If you were actually faced with another human being wielding a sword and intending to do you harm, almost everything you learn in fencing would get you killed within seconds.

I was standing in a poorly lit, sparsely populate train-station car park one night, waiting for a lift, when this observation occurred to me.  I was not, thankfully, attacked – but if someone had tried to attack me I would've been, well, attacked.  All I have is the ability to run away – which is a good ability to have.  I’m now at the stage where I could run flat-chat for 30 seconds and then keep up a steady (if slower) pace for 10 minutes.  If they wanted an easy target, that would hopefully give me an advantage.

However, I realised my ability to survive long enough to run away would be greatly increased if I had the ability to incapacitate any attacker first – and this is not part of my current skill set.

I decided that I needed to pick up a proper martial art – one that would enable me to be the most dangerous person in any given car park.  As I said back in October, the best way to protect yourself against bears is to be scarier than the bear.

I started trying out a few things.  I went along to a karate class, a kung fu class, a goshin-something-or-other-actually-I-don’-t-even-know-what-that-was class…  One thing led to another and I joined a softball team.

That doesn’t make any sense to me, either.

Anyway, my studies kicked up a few notches and I had to stop playing softball.  Quite frankly I don’t have time to fit in more than one sport.

Which is why I’m still not sure how, this week, I managed to start two new sports. 

I’ve taken up Tai Chi.  This was actually so I could convince my mother to take up Tai Chi.  I’ve been trying to convince her that some sort of exercise would be good for her arthritis.  It’s been an uphill battle, but I managed to talk her into coming along to a slow, gentle movement based activity with me.  At our first session, last week, the instructor pointed out that Tai Chi was a martial art. 

I had to keep a straight face while trying to envision the circumstances under which Tai Chi would be your best form of self-defence.  Perhaps if you were attacked by a low-flying tortoise.  Or an 80-year-old with poor health.

I think it was some sort of subconscious psychological response that drove me to go back to trawling the internet for real martial arts classes the next day – and I discovered something that I hadn’t noticed last time.  The PCYC I never remember exists (we have three PCYCs in town, one of which I attend regularly, one of which I used to attend as a child, and one which I’ve driven past once and never remember) has Japanese ju jitsu classes on Wednesday and Friday nights.

I blew off fencing that night and drove over to check it out.

There were various reasons why I didn’t take up any of the other classes.  Some were too awkward to attend regularly.  Some were too expensive.  Some were taught by wankers.  This one doesn’t seem too wankery and, if I alternate between fencing and ju jitsu, I can still make sure Friday is my only night for sporting things.  Most importantly, classes are $4 a pop.  That is unspeakably cheap.

So, (in addition to doing Tai Chi until my mother is ready to fly solo) I’m going to trial doing that for a while:  alternating between fencing and ju jitsu on Friday nights, and possibly (if study time permits) throwing in an extra Tuesday night session for fencing or Wednesday night session for ju jitsu once a month.

Baby steps, but I might end up being scarier than the bear after all.

And, unless I’m very much mistaken, I think my Friday nights just went up a level of awesome.

Jacket blues

My new blue fencing jacket didn't survive its first bout.

My opponent hit me on the sword arm, and the seam came apart - rendering it not only "very disappointing" but also "not safe to fence".

I had to go find a club jacket to fence in for the rest of the night.  I went from having a padded, double layer jacket designed to reduce bruises to something that was quite thin and lightweight (and I didn't even have a plastron) which offered little protection from bruising at all (but at least wouldn't snag a sword).

And it (the club's jacket) smelled.

Bummer.

My new blue jacket went from being something a little disappointing that I could adjust and live with, to something I'm totally sending back for a refund.

I don't ask much from my fencing gear, but I want it to be suitable for fencing.

Target petanque

So, the other day I was stuck at home, studying for an exam, and the weather was rather inclement.  This did give me the opportunity to use the word "inclement" (which is always fun), but also meant I couldn't go for a walk.

I was planning on studying steadily for several hours (ppft!  like that was ever going to happen) and then go for a walk.  I'm very easily distracted at the best of times.  Give me a rainy day and all I want to do is play.

And, for some reason, there's nothing like telling my brain that it desperately needs to focus on something important to get those eureka moments regarding other issues that are of a) no relevance to the task at hand, and b) no importance in the grand scheme of things.

So, while trying to cram separable and inseparable verbs into my head (I understand the principle, but I don't know the vocabulary), I "discovered" a new in door game that's potentially fun for the whole family.

I'd like to say I invented it but, quite frankly, it's so obvious and simple that I'm pretty sure someone has already done that, so I'm going to say "discovered".  And, on the odd chance no one has already patented the darn thing and is attempting to make money out of it as I speak, I'm giving the idea away for free.

Any enterprising soul who wants to make a version of this to sell can go ahead and do so, but it's a bit DIY, really, and anyone can do it as long as they have some juggling balls or hacky-sacks/footbags around the place.

I call it "target petanque", and it's kind of like a cross between petanque and curling.  And a little bit indoor bowling for people with limited space.

You will need:

• Two pieces of paper (or even just one)
• Some highlighters or coloured pens
• Two or three juggling balls (the bean-bag kind) or hacky-sacks/footbags per player
• A hallway or space that's approximately 1 pace wide and at least six paces long.

This is how you play:

1. Using the coloured pens, draw a target on each sheet of paper - a vertical/horizontal cross (+) with a circle around the center that has a radius about the size of one of your balls (so, in theory, two balls could fit side-by-side inside the circle).
2. Put one target at one end of the hallway, take six long steps (paces) and put the other target at that point (perhaps put another mark at the six-pace point for the younger/shorter members of the family).  Decide which areas are "out of bounds".
3. Assemble players into two teams.
4. Stand behind one target and, with your feet planted firmly on the ground, toss the balls underhand towards the farther target.
5. Like petanque, each team takes a turn to toss initially.  If team A's ball is closer to the target than team B's ball, team B keeps tossing until they have the closest ball.  Then team A tosses until they have the closest ball, and so on.  
6. When all of the balls have been tossed, the winning team is the one with the ball closest to the center of the target.  They score 1 point for each ball that is closer to the center than the closest ball for the opposing team.
7. If a ball lands on or in the circle around the center of the target, it will score 2 points - regardless of whether it is the winning ball (so, a ball that lands in the circle *and* is the closest ball to the center is worth 3 points).  Any balls that end up out of bounds are not counted.
8. Players then line up behind that target, facing the opposite direction, and play again - throwing back towards the target at the other end of the hall (if space makes this awkward, they can always throw from the same point in the same direction).
9. Play back and forth from both ends, the first team to reach 13 points wins.

And that's it.  Pretty simple - and easy enough to do on a rainy day, as long as you have enough juggling balls/footbags to give each player two balls.

If I were an enterprising soul myself (which I'm not) I would make a pack with four sets of three juggling balls (three red, three yellow, three blue and three green, for example) and two prefabricated targets.  That would enable up to six people to play at one time, and also come in handy for juggling parties.

Oh...  I should totally start throwing juggling parties...

A little less white - first impressions

So, I bit the bullet and bought that slightly more colourful fencing gear I mentioned in a previous post.

I have not, unfortunately, had the opportunity to take it fencing since it arrived.  Dang assignments and exams.  They're so needy, time-wise.

Anyway, here are my first impressions on taking the stuff out of the box, trying it on and running around the house like some deranged weirdo, lunging at random points in the hallway:

The pants are awesome.  I'm completely stoked by the Leon Paul 350N tracky-dacks.  The tags say they are part of the "Phoenix" range (that's their more expensive 350N line), and I believe it.  They are just really well turned out.  I think they're actually better quality than my 800N "Team" range breeches.

Around the waist they have that weird grippy stuff that good-quality cycling nicks have around the leg grippers, which keeps them from slipping down, and you can unzip the legs to help with getting them on and off (over shoes, if you're that way inclined).  Plus, it has a pocket.  Not just a pocket in the back to put the hitmate, but an actual pocket in the side (left side, making it a bet less useful for lefties) for keys and wallets and stuff.

Of course, I have yet to play with them properly "in combat", but so far, so awesome.

Plus, they're perfectly suitable gym wear.  I can now go through any gym I feel like wearing sword-proof pants.  This is bound to be an advantage at some point.

The jacket, on the other hand, is a bit of a disappointment.  Yes, it is a pretty shade of blue, and yes it does, in theory, replace three other items of clothing.  But...

Considering the fact that it costs significantly more than the "Pheonix" range jacket, it's just not quite as good.  It seems cheaper in design and construction.

The back of the jacket has two straps for tweaking the size, but it's a double-ring fastening system, and the size of the rings is a fraction to small for the thickness of the straps.  It's not impossible to do up, but damned difficult.

I had trouble doing up the straps with the jacket in front of me, let alone trying to do it behind my back.  It just wouldn't happen.  I could, after much struggle, get the bottom strap through the rings, but the top-strap was at too awkward an angle.  Fortunately the jacket fits well enough without the straps being done up, but then they're flapping around in the breeze.  I'd either have to remove them or get someone to help me dress (hardly the bold strike for convenience I'd been hoping for).

If the rings were just a fraction larger, this wouldn't be a problem.  But the straps aren't my greatest concern.

A greater concern is the chest protector situation.  The jacket has pockets on the inside to slip in those little round cup guards (which I also bought).  But the pockets are so big and loose (no doubt to try to allow a wide range of boobages) that they don't hold the cup guards still.

The leeway for movement is so great that a sword hitting it at the right angle would push the guard out of the way, and the blow would land full-force on an unprotected boob.  This does not strike me as being a good thing.

I suspect I'll be able to stitch up the pockets a bit to try to control the movement, but that seems like hard work, given I already own a chest-protector that covers the whole chest and stays put.  I was just looking forward to getting rid of it, because it's not the most comfortable thing to wear.

But that isn't my greatest concern, either.

My greatest concern is the throat.  This is the first fencing jacket I've ever come across that has only one layer of material over the throat.  All of the others have two layers, and while the extra thick material around the throat is a bit uncomfortable, it's also rather reassuring.  Especially given the fact that one of the girls I fence with has a habit of lunging straight at the throat.  She says she doesn't do it on purpose.  I think she has issues.

This is the one thing I can't generate a workaround for, and it seems strange to have a jacket that's über padded in most other places have less padding over your windpipe than other 350N jackets.

Fortunately my mask is 1600N, and has a bib that covers the throat.  But, still...

Still obsessing about lawn bowls

I know, I know, I should just shut up and join a club or something.

But...

...They're vaguely intimidating, and I feel like I'm both sought after and undesirable and the same time - which is a really weird feeling.

It's something about the way they seem desperately grateful to have new people, but don't particularly want to change things to make it possible for new people to ease in.

It's still very much the domain of people who are free during office hours (as opposed to people who work and/or study) - and still very much the domain of people who want to take bowling seriously (as opposed to people who just want to give it a go and see if it takes).

I've recently discovered one of the oldest clubs in town is desperate for members, and I have a vague desire to infiltrate their club and use it to conduct strange experiments regarding the future of lawn bowls in this town.

I want to install petanque/bocce courts beside the green and open the place up to families looking for a fun activity on a weekend (offering petanque, bocce, lawn bowls and table bowls - heck, maybe we could even rustle up enough indoor space to include carpet bowls).

I want to alter their opening hours so that they have mixed competition "days" after 6pm (they can still keep their mens and ladies things for their retirees during the day, if they want) to give workers an avenue into the competition side of the sport.

I want to open the joint up on Saturdays and Sundays from 10am to 6pm for "casual" games that can start and finish at any time during that period.  No one has to get their names in, they just have to turn up with someone to play with.  As long as there's space to play, they can play.

I want to throw in a regular barefoot bowls night that will allow people without playing partners to come along and join in.

I want to turn the kitchen into a kiosk, selling icecreams and cold drinks all day on the weekends, and offering toasted sandwiches at lunchtime on Saturdays and Sundays (and maybe also on the club days when the ladies and men are playing).

I want to have them open for "dinner" on Saturday and Sunday nights - a BBQ on Saturdays, and a Roast on Sundays.

I want to alter the membership schedule so that there are three different kinds of membership:

• Casual (gets you a membership card for the weekend, with all the discounts, and includes one "free" game), 
• Social (gives you all the member discounts for the year and invitations to members-only social events) and 
• Full (gives you the right to compete for the club, free entry to competition days and all the stuff the Social membership has).

There will be two prices for everything - food, drinks, games, merchandise:  everything - one for "members" and one for "walk-ins".  When members can get 15% off beer and icecream, I suspect a number of "walk-ins" will decide a Casual membership for the weekend might not be a bad idea.

Oh, and we'll get rid of that whole "nominated and seconded" by thing required for membership that I've seen at most bowls clubs.  If you want to join, we won't put hurdles in your way.

I want to sell merchandise during opening hours:  generic lawn bowls crap, generic Townsville crap, and specific "playing lawn bowls at this particular club in Townsville" crap.  Hats, T-shirts, mugs, that sort of thing.

And I want to create some sort of communication plan, where things like opening hours and membership options are made available to the general public.  Something like, I don't know, a functioning website.  Perhaps even an email address, which was really easy to find, where one can send emails and have questions answered.

That's what I'd do, if I could infiltrate this club and bend it to my wishes.  Then, maybe, I'd feel comfortable about turning up to the club to play.

There may be a flaw in my plan, though...