Phone number

"I'm telling you this in an email", he says, "because I've lost your phone number again..."

And I suddenly have to fight the urge to laugh out loud.

Lost my phone number again? Lost my phone number again? My good man, I've given you my phone number no less than six times. You've never "lost" it - you've never "kept" it! Not that it matters, I can't remember you ever using it.

I'd just like to point out something. Just bring it to your attention. Every time we bump into each other and have a chat, you finish the conversation by asking me to keep in touch, and saying you'll call me later. Every time.

Not once have you actually called me later. I don't actually expect you to (which is probably just as well), but you keep saying you're going to. Why? There's no precedent for you calling me. You haven't done it before, I don't expect you to start doing it any time soon...

And as for the "keep in touch" thing? Well, it helps if you don't ignore most of my emails. I'm just saying. It may surprise you to know that people are more likely to keep in touch with you if you also keep in touch with them.

Unless, of course, you don't want to. I've long suspected the reason why you "lose" my phone number is because you don't want it. Just as I've long suspected the reason why you don't reply to my emails is because you don't want me to send them. I'm actually okay with this concept, it's just that every time we talk you finish up by telling me to "keep in touch" - and you sound like you mean it.

It's like some strange compulsion you have.

Tell you what, just to make life easier, why don't we establish a fallacy that can save us both some time and effort:

"Oh, I don't have a phone. Sorry."