Mothers

Is there any creature in the world more stubborn than your own mother?

I have noticed an interesting pattern emerging between my mother and I.  I can, apparently, kill any interest she has in anything at all simply by encouraging it.

I don't know what it is, exactly, but I suspect it is the same urge that causes my cat to go from "feed me!" to "you can't make me do anything!" simply by suggesting she might want to go into the kitchen, where the food is.

My grandmother's life shrank, over the years.  I can't remember hearing her talk about any friends at all - except for people she used to know years ago and hadn't stayed in contact with.  In the last few years of her life, she had three family members and a nurse with whom she was in regular contact - but looking back on it, her social circle had shrunk to family and neighbours long before she started to get too infirm to leave the house.

My mother is similar to my grandmother in many ways, and I am concerned that, once she retires, she will turn into a complete homebody with no contacts outside our tiny, tiny family circle except for the two friends she has managed to stay in contact with from her youth.  She seems to be relying on her work to provide her with socialisation, but she won't be working for much longer.

I noticed I was doing something similar myself a couple of years ago, so I decided part of my "exit plan" was to make sure I had at least one extra-curricular activity.  At the moment, that's fencing.  When I finally finish my current degrees, I'm going to try to get back into dancing and maybe join a walking club, or something.  Bowls is highly likely.

Maybe that's taking things too far in the opposite direction but, let's face it, I'm the youngest person in my immediate family, and unless that miraculously changes I'm going to be on my own after everyone else carks it.  Come hell or high water, I'm going to make sure I have an attitude to life that gets me out of the house and into the company of other people.

I'm trying to encourage my mother to adopt a similar attitude.  I figure, if she can catch "homebody" from my grandmother, she might be able to catch "club joiner" from me.

However, I'm finding this to be quite the challenge.  At first I would suggest things I thought she might enjoy, only to find that she would start to actively dislike those things just because I suggested them.  Then I tried to encourage her to do things she once expressed an interest in - only to find that she would completely re-write history and claim no memory of ever being interested in them.

I've tried suggesting we could do something together, which she vaguely considers for a few moments before realising that my nefarious plan is to get her involved in something so I can leave her to it.  Then she's not interested in it.

Now I'm starting to suggest things that I know she'll hate, and just telling her I'll shut up once she actually takes up a hobby of some description ("but I have taken up long-stitch" she'll say, willfully ignoring the fact that I want her to take up a hobby that involves leaving the house, dammit!)

"How can I do something like that?" she'll demand, making some snide comment about the fact that I'm never home, and therefore she can't possibly leave her post.  To which I feel compelled to say:  "Look, lady, I can be home early every Tuesday, if you decide you want to do something that's on a Tuesday night.  Same goes for every night except Friday."

Besides, at some point in time I'm going to leave town - which is more or less exactly why I want her to join some club or take up an activity:  so she can hang out with people other than me when I'm not here to keep her company.

I don't think she's afraid of taking up new hobbies or meeting new people - I think she really just objects to my attempts to mess with her lovely, comfortable inertia.

She's just a stubborn old lady (she's turning 60 this year, so I can say that).