Free-style Sabre -- Or... Rapier?

If I were the boss of fencing (which, alas, I am not), one of things I would do is bring in a new discipline to join the ranks of epee, foil and sabre.

Every time I interact with sabre, I'm left feeling:  "This is so very nearly wonderful, but unfortunately it's really just such a pain in the gluteus maximus".

(Not literally, of course.  You very rarely get any serious butt pain as a result of sabre.  Arm pain, yes.  It's almost exactly like someone whips you across the arm with a thin metal rod.  Possibly because someone whips you across the arm with a thin metal rod...)

But it's just so hard wrapping my head around the idea that the first clear hit is not necessarily the winning hit.  I don't frelling care what my opponent is doing with his/her gorram feet.  I don't even care what I'm doing with my feet.  I also don't care if s/he moved his/her arm first.  We have swords!  Swords, I tell you!

If I hit that person with my sword before that person hit me, I should get the point.  When dealing with swords, the only thing that should trump "first cut" should be "most lethal cut".  If I tap them on the elbow and they stab me in the neck, that's different.

If sabre is, as I have read, as silly and convoluted as it is because of the problem with simultaneous hits, then we should just invent a free-style version of sabre in which simultaneous hits don't count, and we ditch the whole right-of-way thing in favour of first-in-best-dressed.

But, then...

I read recently that epee basically evolved out of people finding the foil of the day too restrictive.  I can see that - epee is kind of like foil, only with more freedom of movement and simpler rules of engagement.

You see, what I really want is for there to be a discipline of fencing like epee but with the cutting edge of the blade brought back into play.

So maybe the better option is to bring another sword into the fold and make another discipline entirely - one that can be to sabre what epee is to foil?

The rapier hasn't been doing much lately, and it has two edges!  What would fencing look like if we brought in a double sided sword?

And maybe it wouldn't be impossible to wire up a sword to register a hit on anything except another sword or the piste?  That would enable the entire body to become a target without the use of a full-body lame...

It could be a brilliant addition to the sport.  And all we need to do is convince enough people to agree to make it a thing, and it will be a thing.

If only I were the boss of fencing...