One club

So, I bought a golf club the other day.

Not the place where you go to play golf, just the thing you use to hit the ball.

And only one.  A 6-iron.

Why would I do such a thing?  Danged if I know.

It was $5 from Cash Converters.  I picked it up and it felt good in my hands.  What more reason do you need to buy a golf club?

This, ladies and gentlemen, is why I suck at de-cluttering:  because I am attracted to clutter like a moth to a flame.

Fortunately I'm getting slightly better at throwing it out later.

Actually, I did kind of have a reason for buying the club.

Some time ago I stumbled across an article about one club golf and I liked the sound of that.

Watching golf is about on par* in the "can this be any more boring?" stakes as test cricket.  Yet, having recently become enamored with other "target ball" sports (like petanque and lawn bowls), I realise I'd probably enjoy it if I played it.

I mean, golf links always look like a pleasant place to spend an afternoon, and I'm okay with a little bit of "hitting things with sticks" as a means to pass the time.

It's just... Man that sport has a lot of crap - and most of it is expensive.  I already have a sport that gives me the opportunity to buy expensive crap and carry it around for no good reason.  I decided ages ago that what I'm looking for in any new activities I take up is "less crap than fencing".

Yes, I do love the crap that comes with fencing.  Swords, masks, sword-proof pants... what's not to love?  But that's enough.

So, the idea of lugging around a bag full of these club things just seems unpleasant.  And, it must be said, the idea of looking meaningfully down a stretch of grass and saying "I wonder if I should use a 4 or 5 iron here?" just seems a bit too... well... "introverted".

Yeah, that sounds like a polite way to put it.  "Introverted".

But a single club?  I can deal with that.  Walking around a nice park with a stick, hitting a ball towards a hole...  It sounds like minigolf, only bigger.

So, when I walked into Cash Converters to kill some time, and noticed they had a bunch of second hand clubs for $5 each, I thought "why not?"

Now all I have to do is find a golf course that doesn't have fees that make my eyes water.


*Bad golf pun not originally intended, but left in once noticed.

"Owner says sell!"

I go through a real estate phase every couple of years or so.  I hit a point where I think I must surely try to own a house or something, and start looking at what's on the market.

I start out with something resembling an idea of what I want.  Then I start getting all sorts of "great" ideas.  Then I confuse myself horribly, and end up deciding the easiest thing to do is Nothing At All (otherwise known as "waiting").

The trouble is I don't actually have to buy anything.  I'm not moving to a new town, no one is kicking me out of the place where I live right now and I'm an only child, so the chances that I'll inherit property at some point are pretty high.

Without the incentive to hurry up and buy something, I don't actually need to buy anything... so I can "wait" until I find something I really want to buy.

Of course, I don't know what I want.  I never know what I want.  I want lots of things, and then I don't want them at all.  I'm about as decisive as a Magic 8 Ball stuck on "Maybe".  I dither with the best of them.

Plus, after a few weeks of reading property advertisements, I start getting the distinct impression that all real estate agents are a bunch of dorks.

Have you ever read what real estate agents write in their ads?  Much of it can be evenly divided between the following categories:

• Obfuscation
• Pointless Stupidity
• "Why would you bother saying that?"
• "Did you ever think of proofreading your work before paying to have it published?"

I always want to slap the agent whenever I read the words "Owner says sell!" at the top of an ad.

Well, duh!  I would hope the owner told you to sell their house - otherwise this advertisement is completely inappropriate.  

And since when has the fact that the owner wants to sell their property become a marketable feature of the property?  You don't see "manufacturers say sell!" written on socks and hosiery.

I read an ad for a house the other day that proudly boasted "duel driveways".  Does that mean the driveways are duelling with each other, or do we use the driveways for duels?  

"Pistols at dawn on the southern driveway!"

Why would I want to buy a house from these people?

"Poor Sharon's Skirt"

I own a skirt.

At the moment, it's officially just the one.

I've been going through my stuff lately and slowly identifying things that are just taking up space in my home which should be released into the wild in the hope that someone else actually uses them.

It's kind of connected to the yurt thing I was talking about on my other blog - I have too much crap I don't need and I don't use, so I'm trying to think about what I would actually take with me if I had to downscale to a yurt, and then asking myself very seriously whether anything I wouldn't take with me is worth keeping at all.

Recently, two of my skirts bit the dust.  I've been keeping them because I feel I should own skirts.  I haven't been wearing them because they don't meet my skirtage needs.

I wear pants, most of the time.  Actually, jeans.  I'm a denim girl.

What I require from an item of clothing is a very specific (and apparently highly unfashionable) list:

• Hard wearing
• Fit to move around and do stuff
• Reasonably modest (as in, I don't like showing too much skin on legs, shoulders or torso)
• Likely to avoid falling down/riding up/exposing underwear
• With pockets

I don't necessarily need pockets for shirts and blouses, but pants and skirts need pockets.

So, what I want from a skirt is something sturdy, below the knee, likely to keep my underwear safely under my outerwear at all times, and equipped with storage options.

I currently have one skirt that matches that criteria, so I currently have one skirt.  The other skirts failed on the "hard wearing" or "has pockets" front, so I never wore them.  After several years of never wearing them, I have decided to set them free.

I would like to replace them with skirts I actually would wear, but I can't find any in the shops.  They're all either too flimsy for my liking or too short.  I just want a good, serviceable denim or cotton skirt (with pockets) that goes past my knees.  Apparently I'm asking for too much.

As for the remaining skirt, I've decided I really should try to wear it occasionally - if for no other reason that I'm sick of hearing surprised cries of "you're wearing a skirt!" every time I do wear it.

Part of the reason I rarely wear skirts is the fact that I rarely find a skirt I actually want to wear.  The biggest part of the reason is the fact that I hate having my clothing pointed out to me as if I'm doing something unspeakably radical just because I'm dressed "like a girl" for a change.

Yes, I'm wearing a skirt.  I'm allowed to do that.  I understand women fought for several decades in the middle of the last century to give us the freedom to wear whatever the hell we want.  I sincerely hope that one day men will be able to earn the same right.

I wore my skirt to work last week and managed to be in the building for all of five minutes before someone decided to point it out to me.  This prompted a friend of mine to lament "poor Sharon's skirt!"

Poor Sharon's skirt, indeed.

Human Powered Pentathlon...

I'm of two minds about the Modern Pentathlon.

On the one hand, it is surely one of the coolest sports on the planet.

I mean, cross-country running, swimming, fencing, horse-riding and pistol shooting?  What's not to love?

On the other hand:  Horse-riding and pistol shooting?  What is this, the Roaring Twenties?  Who can afford that kind of crap in this day and age?

And do you have any idea how difficult it is to take up gun-sports in Australia?  We aren't America, you know.  After our last major mass shooting incident we put in laws restricting gun ownership and use.

I caught some of the Youth Olympics this year and noticed they use laser guns instead of actual pistols for some of the Modern Pentathlon events.  That is somehow both very cool and slightly disappointing.  I mean, what's the point of a target sport that doesn't leave a mark on the target?

What I want to know is why there isn't a completely human powered alternative.

I know the idea of the Modern Pentathlon was to create a sport that encapsulated the skills necessary for a soldier at the turn of the 20th century, but can't we play with the format a little?

I'm not saying we should get rid of, alter or replace the MP, just that we should create a new variation to cater for those of us who aren't quite so Light Horse Brigade.  There can be the Modern Penthathlon and there can be the Human Powered Penthathlon.

The Human Powered Penthathlon could keep the cross-country running, swimming and fencing, but replace the pistol shooting with archery and the horse riding with cyclo-cross.  So, basically a really muddy triathlon with archery and fencing added for good measure.

If we move the swimming event into a "lake", we can do the whole thing in one open-air location.

Okay, technically cyclo-cross is a winter game and the rest of the MP belongs in the summer roster, but I think that a) it can cope with the move, and b) it's not like cyclo-cross is currently in the Winter Olympic Games or anything anyway.

It should be though.

Pyeongchang, are you listening to me?  Stick cyclo-cross in the roster for the Winter Olympic Games.

Do it.

Are you thinking of buying a Brompton?

As mentioned in my previous post, I’m thinking about buying some more folding bikes.  I’m thinking about getting an IF Mode (because it looks pretty), and/or a Strida (because it looks funky).  I don’t really have a good reason to buy another folding bike, apart from a slight case of BAS* (much like my rather tragic case of MIAS**) that has plagued me for years, although I have managed to keep it largely in check.

As I’ve been thinking about these bikes, I’ve been indulging in some very similar behaviour to what I was doing back when I was researching my first folding bike – that is, cruising the internet to find other peoples’ opinions and reflections on their bikes.

And I started thinking about what past me would ask present me about buying a Brompton, and what advice present me would give to past me on this topic.

I’ve had my Brompton folding bicycle for around two years now, and I think I’m in a good position to go back in time and give myself some advice.  It’s not actually much use to me, as my time machine hasn’t arrived in the post yet, but hopefully it will be useful to something else.

Why did I buy a Brompton? 

Well, I was originally planning some glorious holiday that would involve riding a bike all over Europe, and I wanted a bike that would travel well.  The original idea was to use a train or a bus to travel the large distances and use a bike to travel the short ones, so I wanted a bike that could easily be taken on a train.

My research led me to two bikes, the Brompton and Bike Friday’s World Tourist.  I poked around, I read some reviews, I asked some questions.  The people who had experience of both said the Bike Friday was the hardier bike of the two, and probably the best suited to touring, but that the Brompton did a better job of fitting in the luggage section of a bus should you decide to catch busses more frequently than you thought you might.

My attempts to test-ride a World Tourist failed miserably when the bike shop I arranged a test-ride through decided actually making sure they had the bike in stock was too much hard work.  But I did get to test-ride a Brompton and I didn’t mind it at all.

Besides, I secretly wanted the Brompton anyway – the fold was just the coolest thing out there.  YouTube clips of the BF had nothing on the Brompton’s fold – and I wouldn’t have to dismantle the bike to put it on a plane or train, which was a big plus for someone who is very good at losing screws.

Bottom line, the Brompton had the best fold on the market, as far as I could see, and it was one of the bikes that was frequently mentioned as a touring machine.

What model of Brompton did I buy?

I got the P6R, which means I had the “P” shaped handle bars, with six gears and a rear rack (with the little wheels on it).  I also got the Schwalbe Marathon PLUS tyres, for the puncture resistance.

I bought this because it was recommended for touring.  The “P” handle bars give you a bit of flexibility with your hand positions and were (at the time) the tallest handles in the bunch.  Six gears gives you a decent range of options for travelling long flat straights and hills.  A rear rack is always useful and the little wheels meant I could convert the bike into a “trolley” and take it into shops with me.

What accessories did I get?

I bought the cover and bag, the B-bag and the folding basket at the same time as the bike from the same shop.  From a different store I also bought a T-bag and a Carradice Camper longflap saddlebag.  Eventually I also bought the telescopic seat pillar.

If you went back in time, would you do it again?

Buy the Brompton?  Absolutely.  I love that bike and it's now my primary commuter.

But...

I never took it "touring" (although I have bundled it in the boot of my car to take on holidays), and I made some key decisions based on a "maybe I'll do this" that I never did.  There are some things I'd do differently.

What would I do just the same?

I'd still get the 6 geared version.  I'm pretty much a six-gear girl - even when I have more gears on my bike, I'll only use about four of them.  Occasionally I'll kick into a slightly higher gear or a granny gear depending on the road, so 6 gears suits me just fine.

I've not had a puncture yet, so the tyres are okay.

I'd still get the rack with the wheels because it's convenient for pushing the bike around when it's folded (although the little wheels do get black stuff on the back of my legs while I'm riding).

I'd still by the cover and bag - that thing is worth it's wait in gold.  It's the accessory I use every single day.  The bag stays on the bike and I keep my lights in the bag to make sure they're close at hand, and whenever I take the bike into my house or my office (which is all the time) I put the cover on it.  A) it keeps bike related dirt of everything else, B) it makes it all look like a bag sitting in the corner of the room, rather than a bike.

The other accessory I use fairly regularly is the T-bag.  I put my clothes in there when I'm commuting, and I usually use it to carry my repair kit and lock/chain and such.

I'd probably also get the basket again, even though I hardly use it, just because you don't always want a huge stuff-sack every time you go out on a bike.

If I could check in on an alternate universe, I wouldn't mind seeing if there's a version of me who bought the C-bag instead of the T-bag and basket to see if I could have gotten away with just getting the one bag, but I'm pretty happy with those two bag thingies.

What would I do differently?

I'd test-ride an H-bar before settling on the P-bar.  Yeah, there's less space to move your hands around, but it's taller.  It wasn't available when I was looking, so obviously this doesn't benefit past me at all - but if you're thinking of a Brompton this is worth considering.  Occasionally I find the level of the P-bar is just a little be lower than I'd like it to be, and a more upright stance would be nice.

I would just buy the extended or telescopic seat post right from the very beginning.  I was at the top end of the standard seat post in the test-ride in the shop, and wondered if I should go higher.  I should have gone higher.  Much knee pain could have been avoided if I'd opted for flexibility.  The extended would probably have been fine - I don't actually need the extra height of the telescopic one, I just decided to get the most flexible post possible after spending a year cursing the short one.

I would hold off on buying the B-bag or the Carradice saddle bag until the bike tour was something that was definitely happening, rather than something I'd like to do.  These bags have both been sitting in a cupboard doing nothing at all for two years.

Since I'm probably just going to keep using the Brompton exactly as I have been using it and hire bicycles for overseas tours, kitting myself out for a tour was a waste of money.

Lesson learned - buy only what you need for right now (especially if it's going to cost just as much to buy something later as it would to buy it now).  Add other stuff later when you actually have a confirmed use for it.

What other nuggets of advice could I pass on?

Well, the thing with the little wheels on the rack for one - the black rubber leaves marks on the back of your legs.  It just does, and will keep doing it (two years later, no change).  Plan your clothing accordingly.

Another thing is, the back tyre will go down if you keep the bike completely folded while it's not in use.  I thought there was a problem with the tyre, wheel or tube and spent a bit of money having bike people look at it.  Eventually I realised it's just because the frame of the bike is putting pressure on the tyre while it's folded.

You just need to remember the back wheel will need to be pumped up more often than you may, at first, expect.  If you've had it folded for a few days, you'll definitely need to fix the pressure before riding anywhere.

There's a bit of flex to the bike that's a bit strange at first - you bob around a bit if you don't get the "sweet spot" in terms of cadence.  Go up a gear and you should be okay.

Would I use the Brompton for touring?

I don't know.

To be perfectly honest, I'm more likely to hire a bike at my destination.  Whenever I think of taking the Brompton with me on a big trip, and the percentage of my luggage it would take up, and the fact that I don't trust baggage handlers to not break everything, I can't help but think it's all just too much bother.

I've quite successfully hired bikes in the past, so...

I might eventually take it for sojourns around Australia - as in, take a train to X and then ride around X on the Brompton.  Maybe.  I don't know.  I'll see.  I'll probably never put it on a plane, though.

If I did take it for serious touring, I probably wouldn't use the B-bag.  I'd go for a chubby cyclone bike trailer (https://www.radicaldesign.nl/en/products/bicycle-trailers/cyclone/cyclone-iv-chubby) - something else that wasn't in existence when I bought my bike, but came out shortly afterwards.  Sure, it's hideously expensive, but it's a trailer that fits the bike inside it - and you can get a "carry system" that lets you carry the darn thing on your back.  What more could you want from luggage?

This is another reason for why you should hold off buying anything until you actually need it:  You never know if something better is going to come along.


*BAS = Bike Acquisition Syndrome
**MIAS = Musical Instrument Acquisition Syndrome

Little wheels

Okay, don't tell anyone this, but after all those deep and meaningful thoughts last week about freeing myself from the clutter of old unicycles, I just spent an hour I was supposed to be working on an assignment looking up reviews of the Strida.

Because, you know, you can never have too many bicycles - especially if they a) look like "art", and b) fold into compact packages.

Yes, I know, I was only recently drooling over the IF Mode, wondering if I could justify having that in my life.

The answer:  Sure, I don't see why not, but perhaps later.

Why would I want a Strida?  After all, I already own a Brompton, which does the folding bike thing, and a Micro scooter, which does the quick-short-range-don't-fuss-so-much-commute thing.

Well, to be honest, mostly because it looks like penny-farthing.

Okay, granted, it looks nothing like a penny-farthing - but it looks like it would steer and handle much like a penny-farthing.  The way the handle-bars are practically in your lap and your centre of gravity and steering axis are practically in the same place...

That's how penny-farthings ride.

All right, yes, I already own a PF as well, so I've kind of got that covered, too.

But I'd be able to take a Strida out more often and to more places than the PF, which would give me more practice steering the tall bike without worrying about the whole "technically illegal to ride on streets due to a lack of brakes" thing.

Plus, you know, you can never have too many bicycles...

  

Can you see it?

Momentous decisions

I've made a momentous decision.  One that cuts ties with the dreams and aspirations of the past and opens the way forward to a future unburdened by the clutter of a life no longer mine.

I'm going to sell my unicycles.

I realised today that it has been at least five years - probably closer to six - since I last attempted to ride them.  When I bought them I was in my late 20s, obsessed with circuses and keen to turn my life around.  No more would I be an overweight, bookish couch potato.  I would be someone who was active and adventurous and rode unicycles.

Well, I did turn my life around.  I am active and adventurous.  And being the person who owned unicycles helped me on this journey.  I am where I am now because I once thought trying to ride a unicycle seemed like a good idea.

However, I never quite nailed it.  I got to the point where I could occasionally (but not often) mount without holding onto something, and I could amble around a car park or the paths at my local park for some distance.  And I progressed to the point where I came off the unicycle on purpose 9 times out of 10 and rarely hurt myself any more...

But I didn't stick with it long enough to become a fluent rider.  And, if I didn't do that in my late 20s, what are the odds I'm going to suddenly get back into it in my mid-30s?

Looking back, it was just too much hard work.  And I have so many other toys and obsessions that have whisked my attention away since then.  While I still appreciate all things circus, I'm less obsessed now - and less likely to try running away to join a troupe.

So now my unicycles are really souvenirs of a life I wanted to live, once.  And as souvenirs go, they take up a bit of space.

Time to lose the clutter, and let them go fill someone else's dreams for a while.  I still have a penny-farthing, and that will do me for now.