It's official, I hate music.
I had a strange desire to listen to wind quintet music today. I couldn't remember if I'd heard any before. Brass quintet, yes, but not necessarily wind.
So, I live in a library, right? When you live in a library and you think "I wouldn't mind exploring X", you are in a particularly ideal place to do that.
To the catalogue! To the AV collection!
Up the stairs I sprang (walking up stairs is for wusses) to fetch a cluster of CDs.
Put in the first CD - hated it.
Put in the second CD - hated it.
Put in the third CD - hated it.
Put in the fourth CD - hated it.
Tuneless tonal meanderings don't float my boat. I want something with melody. Something I can whistle along with, once I've picked up the general theme.
And, as a friend of mine often points out, if I can't appreciate the non-"conservative" stuff in art, I clearly can't appreciate the art. Or my appreciation is limited. Or something like that.
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Saturday, August 2, 2014
Free-style Sabre -- Or... Rapier?
If I were the boss of fencing (which, alas, I am not), one of things I would do is bring in a new discipline to join the ranks of epee, foil and sabre.
Every time I interact with sabre, I'm left feeling: "This is so very nearly wonderful, but unfortunately it's really just such a pain in the gluteus maximus".
(Not literally, of course. You very rarely get any serious butt pain as a result of sabre. Arm pain, yes. It's almost exactly like someone whips you across the arm with a thin metal rod. Possibly because someone whips you across the arm with a thin metal rod...)
But it's just so hard wrapping my head around the idea that the first clear hit is not necessarily the winning hit. I don't frelling care what my opponent is doing with his/her gorram feet. I don't even care what I'm doing with my feet. I also don't care if s/he moved his/her arm first. We have swords! Swords, I tell you!
If I hit that person with my sword before that person hit me, I should get the point. When dealing with swords, the only thing that should trump "first cut" should be "most lethal cut". If I tap them on the elbow and they stab me in the neck, that's different.
If sabre is, as I have read, as silly and convoluted as it is because of the problem with simultaneous hits, then we should just invent a free-style version of sabre in which simultaneous hits don't count, and we ditch the whole right-of-way thing in favour of first-in-best-dressed.
But, then...
I read recently that epee basically evolved out of people finding the foil of the day too restrictive. I can see that - epee is kind of like foil, only with more freedom of movement and simpler rules of engagement.
You see, what I really want is for there to be a discipline of fencing like epee but with the cutting edge of the blade brought back into play.
So maybe the better option is to bring another sword into the fold and make another discipline entirely - one that can be to sabre what epee is to foil?
The rapier hasn't been doing much lately, and it has two edges! What would fencing look like if we brought in a double sided sword?
And maybe it wouldn't be impossible to wire up a sword to register a hit on anything except another sword or the piste? That would enable the entire body to become a target without the use of a full-body lame...
It could be a brilliant addition to the sport. And all we need to do is convince enough people to agree to make it a thing, and it will be a thing.
If only I were the boss of fencing...
Every time I interact with sabre, I'm left feeling: "This is so very nearly wonderful, but unfortunately it's really just such a pain in the gluteus maximus".
(Not literally, of course. You very rarely get any serious butt pain as a result of sabre. Arm pain, yes. It's almost exactly like someone whips you across the arm with a thin metal rod. Possibly because someone whips you across the arm with a thin metal rod...)
But it's just so hard wrapping my head around the idea that the first clear hit is not necessarily the winning hit. I don't frelling care what my opponent is doing with his/her gorram feet. I don't even care what I'm doing with my feet. I also don't care if s/he moved his/her arm first. We have swords! Swords, I tell you!
If I hit that person with my sword before that person hit me, I should get the point. When dealing with swords, the only thing that should trump "first cut" should be "most lethal cut". If I tap them on the elbow and they stab me in the neck, that's different.
If sabre is, as I have read, as silly and convoluted as it is because of the problem with simultaneous hits, then we should just invent a free-style version of sabre in which simultaneous hits don't count, and we ditch the whole right-of-way thing in favour of first-in-best-dressed.
But, then...
I read recently that epee basically evolved out of people finding the foil of the day too restrictive. I can see that - epee is kind of like foil, only with more freedom of movement and simpler rules of engagement.
You see, what I really want is for there to be a discipline of fencing like epee but with the cutting edge of the blade brought back into play.
So maybe the better option is to bring another sword into the fold and make another discipline entirely - one that can be to sabre what epee is to foil?
The rapier hasn't been doing much lately, and it has two edges! What would fencing look like if we brought in a double sided sword?
And maybe it wouldn't be impossible to wire up a sword to register a hit on anything except another sword or the piste? That would enable the entire body to become a target without the use of a full-body lame...
It could be a brilliant addition to the sport. And all we need to do is convince enough people to agree to make it a thing, and it will be a thing.
If only I were the boss of fencing...
Monday, July 28, 2014
Eternal Winters
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When those movies are switched into different languages, the new movie is often given a new title to fit the new market. For example, Tangled was retitled "Rapunzel" in many non-English versions.
Hmm. Calling a movie about Rapunzel "Rapunzel". Who would have thought of such a thing?
Anyway, "Frozen", being loosely based on "The Snow Queen" is being called (you guessed it) "The Snow Queen" in various translations.
The Estonian version (which I'll probably end up buying - I do like my Disney in Estonian) is called "Lumekuninganna ja Igavene Talv" - which translates as "The Snow Queen and the Eternal Winter".
The Eternal Winter?
Last I checked, "eternal" meant more than "two days - possibly three, max".
This is why I wanted the story to play out over a longer time period. Okay, so the summer suddenly turns into the deepest, most snow-filled winter you've ever seen. Day one, you'll be all "my, this is unexpected!" Day two might see you crank up to "I haven't darned my socks since last winter, but fortunately I live near the Arctic so I've got plenty of blankets". If you're agriculturally minded you may be thinking "but the crops! They won't like this at all!" Day three you may make it to "Do we have enough food if this lasts?"
At some point that week you'll be thinking "we should find the queen and tell her to knock it off."
Personally, I don't think you'll get to "we must stop this Eternal Winter no matter what it takes" until after at least a week.
But then, maybe I have more patience than most...
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Ingredients
This amuses me no end.
The following are the complete ingredients listed on the back of a packet. See if you can guess what the product is:
Ingredients:
The following are the complete ingredients listed on the back of a packet. See if you can guess what the product is:
Ingredients:
When reconstituted: Maize Starch, Onion (26%), Maltodextrin (from Wheat), Flavours (contain Wheat, Milk Derivatives), Salt, Parsley (3%), Flavour Enhancers (621, 635), Creamer [Vegetable Oil (Contains Soybean Derivative), Glucose Syrup, Milk, Protein, Mineral Salts (339, 450)], Mineral Salt (Potassium Chloride), Hydrolysed Soy Protein, Colour (Caramel lV), Sunflower Oil, Spice Extract.
Allergen:
May Be Present Crustacea, Contains Soy, May Be Present Egg, Contains Wheat, May Be Present Sesame, May Be Present Fish, Contains Milk, May Be Present Peanuts
Can you guess? The answer is here.
I just love looking at all of the things that "may be present", while thinking about the one thing that definitely isn't.
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Let the storm rage on... a little bit longer
So, I finally caught up with Disney's Frozen.
As a Disney fan, I felt it was a bit flat compared with Tangled, but I thought it grows on you on a second viewing.
It needed more time. Not in terms of being a longer film, but in terms of letting the story play out over a few more days.
Disney seems to be doing a thing lately where everything happens so quickly that most of the events of the film end up occurring over one or two days.
Maybe I've just been brainwashed by things like the Narnia books, but I like to think an "infernal, unnatural Winter" should last for more than a couple of hours before people start panicking and talking about saving the kingdom.
And a "quest" to find a missing ice queen with magical powers could potentially take more than 24 hours.
And did anyone else noticed that Anna basically fell in love with someone she just met (two different 'someones') twice in less than 48 hours - even though the second guy made a point of stating that love doesn't actually work that way?
All I'm saying is: give it a week. Maybe even two.
Give the ice queen a day or so of running off into the woods before deciding This Winter Must Be Stopped! I'd like a bit longer, actually, but a couple of days is better than a couple of hours.
Give the questing heroes a few days together to get to know each other before the trolls try to marry them.
Let the devious prince have a bit longer to convince the kingdom he's a good substitute for their own royals.
It's not too much to ask, is it?
On an unrelated note:
Okay, I know I've spent too long as an undergrad studying literature and media studies, where they force you to notice and comment on these sorts of things, but...
That "Let it Go" musical number, where the frigid ice queen sings about trying to control her emotions and be a "good girl", but now she's just going to let the storm inside her rage - letting down her hair, changing into a slinky dress and sashaying around the place?
Seriously, dude, if no one has written a book about the symbolic representation of women's sexuality in Disney's film already - they will now. I'd be very surprised if this movie doesn't end up being a staple of undergraduate film studies, purely for this reason.
As a Disney fan, I felt it was a bit flat compared with Tangled, but I thought it grows on you on a second viewing.
It needed more time. Not in terms of being a longer film, but in terms of letting the story play out over a few more days.
Disney seems to be doing a thing lately where everything happens so quickly that most of the events of the film end up occurring over one or two days.
Maybe I've just been brainwashed by things like the Narnia books, but I like to think an "infernal, unnatural Winter" should last for more than a couple of hours before people start panicking and talking about saving the kingdom.
And a "quest" to find a missing ice queen with magical powers could potentially take more than 24 hours.
And did anyone else noticed that Anna basically fell in love with someone she just met (two different 'someones') twice in less than 48 hours - even though the second guy made a point of stating that love doesn't actually work that way?
All I'm saying is: give it a week. Maybe even two.
Give the ice queen a day or so of running off into the woods before deciding This Winter Must Be Stopped! I'd like a bit longer, actually, but a couple of days is better than a couple of hours.
Give the questing heroes a few days together to get to know each other before the trolls try to marry them.
Let the devious prince have a bit longer to convince the kingdom he's a good substitute for their own royals.
It's not too much to ask, is it?
On an unrelated note:
Okay, I know I've spent too long as an undergrad studying literature and media studies, where they force you to notice and comment on these sorts of things, but...
That "Let it Go" musical number, where the frigid ice queen sings about trying to control her emotions and be a "good girl", but now she's just going to let the storm inside her rage - letting down her hair, changing into a slinky dress and sashaying around the place?
Seriously, dude, if no one has written a book about the symbolic representation of women's sexuality in Disney's film already - they will now. I'd be very surprised if this movie doesn't end up being a staple of undergraduate film studies, purely for this reason.
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Sporting
You know, I think my teenage self and I would not get along very well.
For one thing, she thought that sport was terribly boring, the sports pages were a waste of newspaper space and people who talked about sport were dull (and probably devoid of real intelligence).
Why watch sport when there are plays? Who needs football if you have Shakespeare?
And now? Now I will actively choose to go to a sporting match rather than a musical. Partly because I loves me my sports, and partly because I can see a football game for $10, while the musical will cost me $45.
The sports pages are pretty much the only part of the newspaper I read. That, and the comics (which I always loved, so there's no big change there).
And I blog about sport. I yammer on pointlessly about baseball and lawn bowls.
What's with that?
It's not as if anyone I know would actually be interested in reading about that crap. Most of my friends did not inherit the "mad about sport" gene. Somewhere along the lines, though, my DNA just sucked it right out of the air.
When did this happen? How did this happen?
I'm enjoying it. There's lots of sport in the world and it's really fun to watch and read about.
It just doesn't make any sense at all that I would go from "Pffft! Sport is so boring!" to "Yay sport! Sport is totally awesome!"
Do other people do that?
For one thing, she thought that sport was terribly boring, the sports pages were a waste of newspaper space and people who talked about sport were dull (and probably devoid of real intelligence).
Why watch sport when there are plays? Who needs football if you have Shakespeare?
And now? Now I will actively choose to go to a sporting match rather than a musical. Partly because I loves me my sports, and partly because I can see a football game for $10, while the musical will cost me $45.
The sports pages are pretty much the only part of the newspaper I read. That, and the comics (which I always loved, so there's no big change there).
And I blog about sport. I yammer on pointlessly about baseball and lawn bowls.
What's with that?
It's not as if anyone I know would actually be interested in reading about that crap. Most of my friends did not inherit the "mad about sport" gene. Somewhere along the lines, though, my DNA just sucked it right out of the air.
When did this happen? How did this happen?
I'm enjoying it. There's lots of sport in the world and it's really fun to watch and read about.
It just doesn't make any sense at all that I would go from "Pffft! Sport is so boring!" to "Yay sport! Sport is totally awesome!"
Do other people do that?
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Games that should exist: Short-pitch Gaelic Football
This game might very well already exist, but if it does no one is using my key terms to write about it on the Internets.
I want there to be a version of Gaelic football played with fewer players on a soccer/football pitch and using a size 4 soccer ball.
I want this to exist because:
I want there to be a version of Gaelic football played with fewer players on a soccer/football pitch and using a size 4 soccer ball.
I want this to exist because:
- Gaelic football is awesome, but Gaelic football pitches are not common outside of Ireland. They exist, they're just not common. Every town as a soccer field, though.
- Gaelic football is awesome, but fifteen people (plus substitutes) is a lot of people. If you had 30 people interested in playing, and teams had 15 players a piece, you'd only get 2 teams out of that. But if teams had 7 players each (Goal keeper, three backs and three forwards), you'd be able to rustle up some more teams and get a bit of a league happening.
- Gaelic football is awesome, but an actual Gaelic football is a bit of a speciality item. Size 4 soccer balls are much more readily available. Although, I don't know if they'll bounce as well...
The way I see it, if you could just sort out some sort of pole extension for a normal football goal and re-purpose any old soccer field into a Gaelic football field, you'd have a lot more people playing the game world wide.
Granted, the short-pitch, cut-down version might not prepare people for the big-kids' version, and it might end up being one of those things where the "let's bring this to the masses" version ends up eclipsing the traditional version (hello, 20/20 cricket) and building skill sets that don't transfer easily to the "real game"...
But, still, Gaelic football is awesome, and it would be nice if it could be played in any town with a soccer pitch (which is pretty much every town on the planet).
If you know of such a game, and it has a name and rules and stuff, please let me know.
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