... and you probably won't read this anyway.
Now, I don't want to seem ungrateful, but as much as I love you and as much as you know you're loved, I find your apartment vaguely depressing.
It's not that the ceiling is falling down, or that the kitchen drawers are broken, or that the oven doesn't close properly (and therefore won't cook properly), or that the bath tub is some cheap little spa-thing with plastic parts that are starting to break down, or that your toilet looks like it's been cleaned by a teenage boy who is secretly hoping toilets are largely "self-cleaning"...
Rather, it is the culmination of all these things combined with the size of that monstrosity you call a TV set. I'm sorry, but people should not be investing in televisions that large when a) they already have a perfectly functioning TV, and b) the ceiling is falling down!
Yes, I know I'm unbelievably picky, and I'm not living there, and if you're living there and you're happy with things they way they are then I should just keep my nose out of other people's blah blah blah
But, Good Lord, man! Your ceiling is falling down!
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
Better in my dream
For some daft reason, I decided to translate one of my own poems into Estonian. The original version is over on my siegeworks blog (along with this translation) but this is my hamfisted attempt to write it in Eesti (maybe half re-writing it a little on the way)
Ja seal ta on
Tõde et valgustab vale
Paljastab mis ma teadnud juba
Aga püüdmanud eitama.
Ja kõik mu kavad
On libisevad läbi minu käte
Aga, kõige lõpuks ma teadnud alati
Nad olid rajatud liivale
Näha, kuidas nad lendavad...
Sina olid parem sisse minu unistus
Aga ka mina olin
Corrections to bad choices of grammar/vocabulary/idiomatic turns of phrase gratefully appreciated (only for the Estonian version - you can keep your mits off the English one, thank-you-very-much).
Ja seal ta on
Tõde et valgustab vale
Paljastab mis ma teadnud juba
Aga püüdmanud eitama.
Ja kõik mu kavad
On libisevad läbi minu käte
Aga, kõige lõpuks ma teadnud alati
Nad olid rajatud liivale
Näha, kuidas nad lendavad...
Sina olid parem sisse minu unistus
Aga ka mina olin
Corrections to bad choices of grammar/vocabulary/idiomatic turns of phrase gratefully appreciated (only for the Estonian version - you can keep your mits off the English one, thank-you-very-much).
Monkeys
I don't trust monkeys.
I'm fascinated by them, but I don't trust them. It's not just because one of them tried tricking a friend of mine into coming close enough to pee on him - although that's part of it. I've just been paying attention.
I've been to more than my fair share of zoos. I've watched documentaries. I've noticed their nasty little monkey behaviour and their sneaky little monkey faces. I know they aren't the cute little fuzzy friends everyone wants to think they are.
Monkeys, you see, are a lot like cats. They have their own agenda, and they don't care who they have to bite, scratch or defecate on to achieve their aims.
Plus, they have opposable thumbs. I've always felt the only reason cats put up with us at all is the fact that we have invented tinned tuna and they haven't worked out a way to simply steal the cans from us and open them for themselves.
Monkeys? Monkeys would work it out. They're basically cats with power.
Don't trust 'em.
I'm fascinated by them, but I don't trust them. It's not just because one of them tried tricking a friend of mine into coming close enough to pee on him - although that's part of it. I've just been paying attention.
I've been to more than my fair share of zoos. I've watched documentaries. I've noticed their nasty little monkey behaviour and their sneaky little monkey faces. I know they aren't the cute little fuzzy friends everyone wants to think they are.
Monkeys, you see, are a lot like cats. They have their own agenda, and they don't care who they have to bite, scratch or defecate on to achieve their aims.
Plus, they have opposable thumbs. I've always felt the only reason cats put up with us at all is the fact that we have invented tinned tuna and they haven't worked out a way to simply steal the cans from us and open them for themselves.
Monkeys? Monkeys would work it out. They're basically cats with power.
Don't trust 'em.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Diese Siete ist auf Englisch. Soll sie übersetzt werden?
This is just amusing me no end. My Google Chrome browser woke up today set in German. And I mean set in German.
Not only are the language settings of the browser itself in German, but it's taking me to the German versions of major websites, bringing up German pages in my Google searches, asking me if I want to translate English pages into German, and highlighting all of my English spelling as being incorrect (because it's not spelt properly auf Deutsch, ja?)
It's even doing it with pages I've bookmarked - taking me to the German version of the page even though I bookmarked the English version.
I didn't tell it to do this. I haven't touched the language settings for the browser. It was in English when I shut it down last night, and in German when I opened it this morning.
Yesterday I added German and Estonian language settings to my keyboard configuration, but I'm reasonably sure that shouldn't make one of my browsers convert into another language without being prompted (I should point out that I have IE and FireFox open at the same time, and both are in the same language settings I left them in yesterday).
It's odd. It's hilarious. I'm not going to change it back. I figure it made itself this way, it can switch itself back when it feels like it.
Not only are the language settings of the browser itself in German, but it's taking me to the German versions of major websites, bringing up German pages in my Google searches, asking me if I want to translate English pages into German, and highlighting all of my English spelling as being incorrect (because it's not spelt properly auf Deutsch, ja?)
It's even doing it with pages I've bookmarked - taking me to the German version of the page even though I bookmarked the English version.
I didn't tell it to do this. I haven't touched the language settings for the browser. It was in English when I shut it down last night, and in German when I opened it this morning.
Yesterday I added German and Estonian language settings to my keyboard configuration, but I'm reasonably sure that shouldn't make one of my browsers convert into another language without being prompted (I should point out that I have IE and FireFox open at the same time, and both are in the same language settings I left them in yesterday).
It's odd. It's hilarious. I'm not going to change it back. I figure it made itself this way, it can switch itself back when it feels like it.
Marcia Sings
So, Marcia Hines is releasing an album called "Marcia Sings Tapestry". That's right, she's covering the whole album. When I first heard this I thought it was a bit rich, but now I just want her to do a whole series of them - taking singer/songwriters' signature albums and covering the whole shebang.
Imagine it:
"Marcia Sings Taproot Manuscript"
"Marcia Sings Thriller"
"Marcia Sings Tea for the Tiller Man"
"Marcia Sings Graceland"
"Marcia Sings Born in the U.S.A"
It could be fabulous.
Imagine it:
"Marcia Sings Taproot Manuscript"
"Marcia Sings Thriller"
"Marcia Sings Tea for the Tiller Man"
"Marcia Sings Graceland"
"Marcia Sings Born in the U.S.A"
It could be fabulous.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Glass Houses
There is an old, yet very true saying:
"People in glass houses should not walk around naked."
By the same token, people with hands-free phones should not use them.
At best, they look like crazy people. More often that not, though, they look like they're talking to someone - someone standing near them. However, not only are they not talking to anyone in the vicinity, they don't particularly want anyone in the vicinity to listen or react to them. So, the people standing nearby justifiably turn to look at the person who could very well be talking to them, only to have said person give them that look.
You know the look I'm talking about - the one that basically says "Well, of course I'm not talking to you. Duh!"
It's rude and obnoxious, but the crazy people seem to think that they are perfectly in the right, and the people who dare look at them while they're talking on the phone are the rude and obnoxious ones.
Normal, polite human society depends on outward signals to give your fellow man a heads-up as to what is happening in a given social situation. If you are talking to someone on the phone, it is only polite to look like you're talking on a phone. You shouldn't look like you're talking to someone standing next to you. It just annoys the people standing next to you.
"People in glass houses should not walk around naked."
By the same token, people with hands-free phones should not use them.
At best, they look like crazy people. More often that not, though, they look like they're talking to someone - someone standing near them. However, not only are they not talking to anyone in the vicinity, they don't particularly want anyone in the vicinity to listen or react to them. So, the people standing nearby justifiably turn to look at the person who could very well be talking to them, only to have said person give them that look.
You know the look I'm talking about - the one that basically says "Well, of course I'm not talking to you. Duh!"
It's rude and obnoxious, but the crazy people seem to think that they are perfectly in the right, and the people who dare look at them while they're talking on the phone are the rude and obnoxious ones.
Normal, polite human society depends on outward signals to give your fellow man a heads-up as to what is happening in a given social situation. If you are talking to someone on the phone, it is only polite to look like you're talking on a phone. You shouldn't look like you're talking to someone standing next to you. It just annoys the people standing next to you.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Tomorrow, when...
Wow. I have to say, watching Tomorrow, When the War Began the other night really drove home just how much I truly hate Blurred.
Now, let's just start by giving TWTWB its due praise: this movie rocks. It was enjoyable, pacy, well written, well acted, gripping and utterly believable (after the obviously necessary suspension of disbelief). It was thoughtful and intelligent without being artsy. The characters were fun and appealing without being "quirky". The story was dark and grim without being depressing. And, as if that wasn't enough, it was an action movie that would appeal equally to teenagers and adults, men and women.
In short, I'm still having some difficulty believing this was an Australian film.
We just don't make films like this. We make weird artsy depressing films that leave you wondering why you bothered going to the cinema. We make obnoxious unfunny comedies where every character is either "quirky" or a moron (or both). We make films we don't want to see, and then whine about the fact that no one watches our films.
TWTWB was not only an Australian film - it was an Australian film based on an Australian novel. And it still wasn't artsy and depressing. The book, Tomorrow, When the War Began was a phenomenon in Australian Young Adult Literature circles back in the 1990s, being one of the most popular books of the decade amongst teenagers and young adults. It took it's readers seriously, and treated both it's teenage characters and teenage audience like intelligent, capable people. The movie was pretty darn faithful to the book and did exactly the same thing - treated its characters and audience like intelligent, capable people.
Compare this with Blurred. Blurred was originally a play which was also something of a phenomenon in its day*. Part of a subgenre of Australian Drama known as "Australian Theatre For Young People" (I may have written a paper on this genre for my Honours in English Literature), the play was kind of artsy and depressing, but at the same time it had a bit of verve and a sense of humour. It treated its teenaged characters and audience like intelligent people. Lost, bewildered and far-too-eager-to-get-stoned-or-drunk, but intelligent none-the-less. Capable of thinking deep thoughts.
The movie took everything that made the play interesting and intelligent and replaced it with the least interesting cliches and tropes you can think of for a typical teenage comedy - you know, the kind that assumes teenagers don't actually think at all and are only interested in sex and fart jokes. The play wasn't my favourite play in the world (that would be a toss-up between The Importance of Being Earnest and Is That A Muffled Shriek?), but I liked it enough to be really disappointed with the movie.
And now, of course, now I know that Australian film makers actually are capable of making good movies that respect the source material and the audience. Now I know that we could have, if we wanted to, made a film version of Blurred that wasn't so depressingly awful. I never liked it. Now I just hate it.
* A bit of a fake phenomenon, it must be said. TWTWB was popular because kids just wanted to read it, so they bought it from bookshops or borrowed it from libraries. Blurred was just snaffled up by a lot of high school English and Drama courses because it seemed like a good idea at the time, so a lot of kids read it in class or performed sections of it (rarely the whole play) for assessment pieces. Not the same, I know, but it does mean a large number of Australian young adults were familiar with the play when the movie came out.
Now, let's just start by giving TWTWB its due praise: this movie rocks. It was enjoyable, pacy, well written, well acted, gripping and utterly believable (after the obviously necessary suspension of disbelief). It was thoughtful and intelligent without being artsy. The characters were fun and appealing without being "quirky". The story was dark and grim without being depressing. And, as if that wasn't enough, it was an action movie that would appeal equally to teenagers and adults, men and women.
In short, I'm still having some difficulty believing this was an Australian film.
We just don't make films like this. We make weird artsy depressing films that leave you wondering why you bothered going to the cinema. We make obnoxious unfunny comedies where every character is either "quirky" or a moron (or both). We make films we don't want to see, and then whine about the fact that no one watches our films.
TWTWB was not only an Australian film - it was an Australian film based on an Australian novel. And it still wasn't artsy and depressing. The book, Tomorrow, When the War Began was a phenomenon in Australian Young Adult Literature circles back in the 1990s, being one of the most popular books of the decade amongst teenagers and young adults. It took it's readers seriously, and treated both it's teenage characters and teenage audience like intelligent, capable people. The movie was pretty darn faithful to the book and did exactly the same thing - treated its characters and audience like intelligent, capable people.
Compare this with Blurred. Blurred was originally a play which was also something of a phenomenon in its day*. Part of a subgenre of Australian Drama known as "Australian Theatre For Young People" (I may have written a paper on this genre for my Honours in English Literature), the play was kind of artsy and depressing, but at the same time it had a bit of verve and a sense of humour. It treated its teenaged characters and audience like intelligent people. Lost, bewildered and far-too-eager-to-get-stoned-or-drunk, but intelligent none-the-less. Capable of thinking deep thoughts.
The movie took everything that made the play interesting and intelligent and replaced it with the least interesting cliches and tropes you can think of for a typical teenage comedy - you know, the kind that assumes teenagers don't actually think at all and are only interested in sex and fart jokes. The play wasn't my favourite play in the world (that would be a toss-up between The Importance of Being Earnest and Is That A Muffled Shriek?), but I liked it enough to be really disappointed with the movie.
And now, of course, now I know that Australian film makers actually are capable of making good movies that respect the source material and the audience. Now I know that we could have, if we wanted to, made a film version of Blurred that wasn't so depressingly awful. I never liked it. Now I just hate it.
* A bit of a fake phenomenon, it must be said. TWTWB was popular because kids just wanted to read it, so they bought it from bookshops or borrowed it from libraries. Blurred was just snaffled up by a lot of high school English and Drama courses because it seemed like a good idea at the time, so a lot of kids read it in class or performed sections of it (rarely the whole play) for assessment pieces. Not the same, I know, but it does mean a large number of Australian young adults were familiar with the play when the movie came out.
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