Monkeys

I don't trust monkeys.

I'm fascinated by them, but I don't trust them. It's not just because one of them tried tricking a friend of mine into coming close enough to pee on him - although that's part of it. I've just been paying attention.

I've been to more than my fair share of zoos. I've watched documentaries. I've noticed their nasty little monkey behaviour and their sneaky little monkey faces. I know they aren't the cute little fuzzy friends everyone wants to think they are.

Monkeys, you see, are a lot like cats. They have their own agenda, and they don't care who they have to bite, scratch or defecate on to achieve their aims.

Plus, they have opposable thumbs. I've always felt the only reason cats put up with us at all is the fact that we have invented tinned tuna and they haven't worked out a way to simply steal the cans from us and open them for themselves.

Monkeys? Monkeys would work it out. They're basically cats with power.

Don't trust 'em.